Radiation and Transplantation { Day 0 }

FACTS: Day 0 is the day that the bone marrow is infused in to the patient. Also referred to as the transplant day.

My day started with lots and lots of medicined for the preparation of Radiation and BMTransplantation.

After 9:30 a.m. I found out I cannot have food nor water until 3 p.m. At 10:00 a.m., they brought me to the Radiation Clinic Floor 2B. Radiologists and Physicist told me my position and everything they will have to put on the side and on top of my body to balance the radiation treatment. I will be under the radiation 13 minutes on my back and another 13 minutes on my stomach. The bed has no cushion to make sure I am lying flat on it...it wasn't very comfortable. But it's over now, and it was not that bad, well I will get some side effects sooner or later but haven't feel anything yet. Thank GOD! I came back to my room around 11 a.m.

Between 11 a.m to 2 p.m, I guess I am being anxious of what will happen and what will I feel when they infused the bone marrow they tooked from my sister Amor. Again, they've given me a lot of medications for nausea, anxiety, and more. Before 3 p.m., Pastor Edwin Martin came and prayed for us. He was there until the infusion was finished. Dr. Loach and nurse, Katie were there to do the infusion...it was easy to look at procedure, first infusion I tasted the preservative they put in the bone marrow, but then later on the impact to my body, especially to my chest down to my stomach and to my feet are almost not bearable. They were monitoring my blood pressure and oxygen. It was a very different feeling. It was done 3 times, 2 big syringes at a time with 5 minutes break. I almost quit, I tried to cough because I can't breathe. I asked Jerson to hold my hand and the nurse kept massaging my feet, coz I almost can't feel them. After almost 40 minutes, the process was done, it was over, I just have to wait for what will happen next...I was so tired that I just tried to lie down and tried to sleep...

REFLECTIONS: The transplant is over! I just have to wait till the bone marrow of my loving sister works on me. Please continue to pray for me for the following three weeks will be tough... And everything now is all depends on God. He knows what is best for me and my family. He holds my future on His hands...

CBC
HGB - 99
WBC - 2,300
PLT - 67,000
Mg - 0.72

Visitor
Jerson
Pastor Edwin Martin

Callers
Ate Nenette
Ate Nancy
Kuya Manolo
Dete Amor
Karly

Pass { Day -1 }

I got the daypass I was talking about yesterday. I went home in the afternoon and came back here at the hospital at night. Kuya Manolo picked me up with Ate Irma, he made to work late, I hope he's not going to be in trouble because of me...

It was a great day for me, I was able to see, kiss and hug my dear son. I am sure he was happy to see me, too. My two other sister, Ate Nancy and Dete Amor with Tatay came by the house and had dinner with us. After dinner we talked and laughed...then it was Jensine's bedtime. I put him to sleep beside me, he knows I am living when he falls asleep. I can tell how much he missed me, he smells me a lot and tells me I smell good. Although I am sure I smell like the medicines and hospital already.

My blood counts are starting to drop...Complete Blood Count is done every morning...

FACTS: The Complete Blood Count (CBC) test is an automated count of the cells in the blood. It provides information about the white blood cell (WBC), red blood cell (RBC), and platelet populations present.

• HGB or Hemoglobin carries oxygen to cells from the lungs.
• WBC or White blood cells protect the body against infection and aid in the immune response.
• Neutrophils can increase in response to bacterial infection or inflammatory disease.
• PLT or Platelets are tiny fragments of cells that circulate in the blood. Because they are very sticky, they are the first components to be activated when there has been an injury to a blood vessel and begin the formation of a “blood clot.” (Labtestonline)

Normal Range
HGB - 120 g/L to 160 g/L for women
WBC - 4,000–10,000 per millimeter (mm)3
Neut - 47%–77% of WBC
PLT - 140,000–450,000 per mm3

On next posting I will always add my CBC and visitors...

CBC
HGB - 97
WBC - 1,900
Neut - 1,600
PLT - 85,000

Visitor
Nida (cousin of Ninang Fe Fernando)
Jerson
Ate Irma

Callers
Ate Nancy
Kuya Manolo
Dete Amor
Ate Nenette
Ate Esther Rosal

Vital Signs { Day -2 }

Since I came here, my vital signs are regularly check, morning, afternoon, nights and even in the middle of the night around 3 a.m. Vital signs are physical signs that indicate an individual is alive, such as heart beat, pulse rate, temperature, blood pressure and oxygen.

FACTS: Blood pressure is the force of the blood pushing against the walls of the arteries. Each time the heart beats (about 60-70 times a minute at rest), it pumps out blood into the arteries. Your blood pressure is at its highest when the heart beats, pumping the blood. This is called systolic pressure. When the heart is at rest, between beats, your blood pressure falls. This is the diastolic pressure. (LifeClinic)

Average Blood Pressure Rates (Franklin Institute Online)

systolic 110 to 150
over
diastolic 60 to 80

FACTS: Pulse Rate is the rate of the arterial pulse usually observed at the wrist and stated in beats per minute

Average Pulse Rates

Adult Males about 72
Adult Females 76 to 80
Newborns up to 140
Children about 90
Elderly 50 to 65

FACTS: A Pulse Oxymeter consists of a computerized monitor probe that can be attached to the patient’s finger, toe, nose or ear lobe, the monitoring unit displays a digital percentage readout of a calculated estimate of the patient’s hemoglobin (Hgb) that is saturated with oxygen (Sp02) (Manitoba Health)

Range Value
Normal 95 to 100%
Mild hypoxia 91 to 94%
Moderate hypoxia 86 to 90%
Severe hypoxia below 85% (EMSresource.net)

So far my vital signs are within normal or average...but I did suffer from other side effects of chemotherapy drugs like nausea, headache, and fatigue.

I was told that doctors might give me a daypass tomorrow from noon to night time to get out of the hospital depending on my blood counts. This is my last chance to see Jensine before isolation. So if you are planning to visit me tomorrow, please call my house first and check if I was given the daypass...thanks.

EDIT:
CBC
HGB - 99
WBC - 2,800
Neut - 1,900
PLT - 122,000

Visitor
Ate Irma
Jerson
Dete Amor
Ate Nancy

{ Day -3 }

Not feeling very good today...I think the chemotherapy drugs and other medications are taking effects...I even lost count of the number of medicines they're giving me...till next posting.

Edit:
CBC
HGB - 109
WBC - 2,900
Neut - 1,900
PLT - 131,000

Visitor
Jerson

Admission { Day -4 }

All those thinking and little preparation here and there are not enough...this morning, I felt that I have not done anything for this day...my whole morning was spent still preparing of what I should bring to my mini "vacation". Of course, that includes hugging Jensine in between...

Finally, at about 2:45 p.m. we were able to leave, me, Ate Irma and Jerson...oh...it's so hard for me to step out of the house. I know it will be a while before I can hug and kiss Jensine again. He is not allowed, 12 years old and below are not allowed even in the floor.

We got there past 3 p.m., tried to set things up...Jerson went to Canada Computers to buy another webcam for me to use here in the hospital. He set it up already for me to see Jensine when he gets home. This is the only way we can see each other for a while. He still have to show Ate Irma and Ina how to use it.

I guess this is it...I am now settled in my new place at Princess Margaret Hospital, 14th Floor B, Room 206. I am sure I am allowed to have visitors as long as they are not sick even with colds...you don't want to share what you have when my immune system is zero :) Visiting hours is flexible as they always say but there are restrictions like no fresh flowers, no kids 12 years old and below and especially no sick person. You can always email or text me anytime.

Goodnight!!! I am getting tired...till my next posting...

Btw, here's my vitals for today...

Blood Pressure - 106/76
Pulse Rate - 83
Oxygen - 99%
Temperature - 36.9 C

Reunion { Day -5 }

The topic for the Devine Worship this morning was about "Marriage and Family". And I am happy to have my family worship with me at Mt. Zion Church. Yes, from Tatay Oscar, Ate Irma, Dete Amor and Ate Nancy and their kids were with me this Sabbath day. Of course, my parents-in-law, Ina and Ama, my sister-in-law, Ate Nenette and her family, who are always with us. It was like a reunion for me. Although, I still have one more sister I missed, Jenny or Deng as we call her, who's still in the Philippines and cannot be with me right now. She just had a baby last February, Nat-Nat. Did I mention that Jerson has 4 sisters and 3 more brothers? They're all over the world, Philippines, Canada and Indonesia.

The Mt. Zion church family offered a special prayer for me in the afternoon after the church potluck.

There's another get-together later at night, with family friends here in Canada. They were the ones we first met here, the Buning family. From my Ninang Cora and Ninong Amading de Jesus, Ate Weng and Kuya Jun and their kids and Ate Emy and Kuya Bong. Ate Emie and Kuya Bong are my kumpadre and kumadre but I am used to call them Ate and Kuya. And guess what, Ate Emie cooked lasagna for me...I can delete my baked macaroni from my wishlist for her homemade lasagna is far better than the baked macaroni I have in mind. Ate Nenette and Kuya Rene were there too, with Rose and my 2 nephews, Uriel and Rainon. Ate Nancy and her 3 kids, Justin, Keith and Ivan. We had this get-together at Kuya Manolo and Dete Amor's house. Their kids are there from Rachel, Sarah and Gene. Just imagine how happy Jensine was to have all his cousins. Kuya Manalo called this get-together as my "despedida" for I am going for a vacation starting tomorrow...yap, tomorrow I will check in at Pricess Margaret Hospital...and they are planning to have a welcome party when I come back.

REFLECTIONS: There's another reunion I want to be part of...the Second Coming of Jesus Christ...

"For the Lord himself will come down from heaven, with a loud command, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet call of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first. After that, we who are still alive and are left will be caught up with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air."

I Thessalonians 4:16-17, NIV.

Rejection { Day -6 }

Additional complications will arise, once the bone marrow has been transplanted, such as

• graft rejection

FACTS: Graft rejection happens when the recipient's cells reject the transplanted donor cells. (PMH)

• graft failure

FACTS: Graft failure happens when transplanted bone marrow does not produce new cells. (PMH)

• Graft Versus Host Disease

FACTS: Graft Versus Host Disease or GVHD is a condition in which the transplanted donor cells see organs of the recipient as foreign and attacks them. (PMH)

Signs of GVHD are:

• skin rash
• fever
• diarrhea
• abdominal cramps
• jaundice
• dry burning eyes
• dryness and soreness in the mouth

Sometimes, some of these complications are desired when occured in minimum. With the occurrence of GVHD, it is a sign that the donor's marrow has engrafted.

REFLECTIONS: Some of these complications are very serious and may occur within weeks, or months and even years after the transplant. There is nothing more I can ask everyone but to PRAY. I may not know what is the exact plan that God has for me but I do know that it is good. Please pray that everything will happen in the next few days, months or years, are HIS will and not mine...

"This is the assurance we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us. And if we know that He hear us—whatever we ask—we know that we have what we asked of Him."

I John 5:14-15, NIV.

Complications { Day -7 }

Potential complications were explained before I even decided to do the transplant. Today, I just want to share with you the complications from the conditioning regimen or before the actual transplant. Some complications are a result of the toxicity of the conditioning regimen, chemotherapy and radiation. These complications may or may not occur to all patients.

• nausea
• vomiting
• loss of appetite
• dairrhea
• fatigue
• hair loss
• risk of infections
• bleeding
• infertility
• Veno-occlusive disease (VOD)

FACTS: Veno-occlusive disease (VOD) is a disorder of the liver in which blood vessels become blocked and swollen (PMH)

• Interstitial pneumonia

FACTS: Interstitial pneumonia is a form of pneumonia, found within the lung tissues. (PMH)

• mucositis

FACTS: Mucositis is inflamation of the mucous membranes. Mouth sores often characterize this condition (PMH)

• Post Radiation Caries

FACTS: Radiation can kill salivary glands, because of diminished salivary flow, the acid content of the mouth is increased. This along with a resuced fibre content in meals, and stagnation of food debris results in destruction by acid demineralization of dental hard tissue (enamel of teeth).

There are medications to help relieve discomfort of these side effects. Post Radiation Caries can be prevented by excellent oral hygiene and Flouride gel application. I just started my Flouride gel application.

As of now, I only felt tiredness or fatigue. I've been lying on bed mostly the whole day. I still been eating good and no vomiting, which are usual side effects I felt on my past chemotherapy treatment.

There will be additional side effects when bone marrow is transplanted. I will talk about that later...

Regimen { Day -8 }

This morning I went back to PMH to change the dressing on my hickman line, to take two small tubes of blood and to receive the 5-day chemotherapy by ambulatory pump. This chemotherapy is part of the conditioning regimen.

FACTS: Conditioning Regimen is a combination of chemotherapy drugs, with or without radiation, given to prepare the patient for the bone marrow transplan. It is also called Preparative Regimen.

My brother-in-law, Manolo, drove me to the hospital with my sister Irma and my father. Don't be alarmed that they are with me, nothing serious, it just so happen that they can be with me this morning. It's also nice to be with them, I almost forgot that I am going for treatment.

Later at night, we attended the Mid-Week Prayer Meeting. Chris and I came to an agreement to see each other at the the prayer meeting. She wanted to bake me the chocolate cake I had put in my wishlist and I will wait for that when I come out of the hospital :) I told her not to do it now, since I started my chemo and might not have the appetite. Only Jerson will finish it :) After the presentation about Transformed with Troubles, from Purpose Driven Life, we prayed by twos. Chris prayed for me. Didn't I tell you that I am very emotional? While she was praying, I felt the sincerity of her prayers for me and my family, and I end up weeping. I didn't realize till after we pray that few tears dropped from her eyes, too.

REFLECTIONS: On previous posting about "Touched By an Angel", I forgot to mention everyone who continuously prays for me and my family. Also those friends who offered their help "anytime we need it". The tears dropped from me when Chris was praying was not sign of pain or weakness. They were tears of happiness knowing I have true friends like Chris, with her husband Edsel and their cute little girl, Caitlin Emma...we have friends we can depend upon and always hoping for the best and praying non-stop for us. They are also true angels in my eyes...

Friendship improves happiness, and abates misery, by doubling our joy, and dividing our grief. --Joseph Addison

Operation { Day -9 }

This morning was my hickman line or CVC insertion surgery at Toronto General Hospital. How can I scream on blog? he he he...even with local anaesthesia (freezing) I still felt some pushing and pulling on my chest when it was inserted. But I guess this one time pain is better than to be poked everyday for months for blood tests, blood transfustions and medications. Hopefully I won't get any infection for I need this for a while.

FACTS: Central Venous Catheter or hickman line is essential for transplant patients. (PMH)

This might also be the start of short posting for me, specially now, the freezing ran off already, and the pain is getting worse. Awww!

Anticipation { Day -10 }

I start my countdown today, 10 days prior to my bone marrow transplant. The transplant I will go through is called Allogeneic Stem Cell Transplant.

FACTS: Allogeneic Stem Cell Transplant is a transplant in which hemotopoietic (blood) stem cells are obtained from a suitably matched related or unrelated donor. (PMH)

In my case, my donor is very much related and she is a genetic match, 100%. The procedure itself is called Peripheral Blood Stem Cell Transplant.

FACTS: Peripheral Blood Stem Cell Transplant is a procedure in which stem cells are infused into a patient intravenously, after the patient has been treated with high-dose chemotherapy, with or without radiation.

The procedure is like a blood transfusion, opening of any part of my body nor sewing it, is not necessary. The only surgery I will have is from the hickman line and if I am not mistaken only 2 stitches will be needed.

Today, is the arrival of my oldest sister, Irma from the Philippines. Flight CX828 arrived at 9:45 p.m. in Toronto Pearson Airport. I will see her very soon, Jerson was on his way to airport when things start to get worse. The van he was driving to pick up my sister has break problem. But I am sure, everything will work fine and in no time, I will see my sister.

I Surrender All

Yesterday was Youth-Led Devine Worship at Mt. Zion Church. I am not sure who picked the songs for the church program, but they definitely amazed me with the songs they chose for praise time, openning song and closing song. It could also be the youth's voices, they sounded like angels. How I wish I could sing like that? Let's forget about me singing, let's just focus on the songs and their meanings. Before the Intercessory Prayer, the congregation sang prayerfully. It was very hard for my tears not to shed.

"A teardrop on earth summons the King of heaven." --Charles R. Swindoll

For my friends and relatives who know me very well, they would say, I am very emotional and I can also flood a room in no time. Yes, unfortunately, that is very true. Even songs can make me cry, I don't even pick the place nor time to cry. But don't stop singing for me because you think I would cry. I still love to hear those favorite songs of mine even if they would make me cry because the songs give me strength, hope and peace. Because they remind me of our Great and Loving God, and that someday he will wipe all my tears away...that's why to Him, I Surrender All.

For the Lamb at the center of the throne will be their shepherd; he will lead them to springs of living water. And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes.
Revelation 7:17, NIV

Sapin-sapin

This week, I had visitors coming to see me before I go back to the hospital.

Tuesday night, I had Karly and her family, with the new baby boy. We had fun, I wish we have all night to chat and to see the kids playing. Thanks for bringing Sean and Gillian. It will be a while before I will be able to see them again. Thanks Tia Dulce and Luis, for taking the time, I know both of you have work the next day.

This afternoon, we had our marriage godparents, Ninang Cora and Ninong Amading to drop in to our house and see me. I think you know where I am going with this :)

FACT: Sapin-sapin is a rice sweet of blanc-mange consistency, made of several layers, usually of different colors (Filipino Food/Cuisine Glossary) Yes, it is a native Filipino delicacy.

And yes, they brought sapin-sapin and cassava cake. They told me they've been reading my blog and they were hoping that I have not eaten the "native kakanin" I have on my wishlist. And yes, I have not eaten it until now, and they are yummy. Thank you very much...for visiting me and for the sapin-sapin and cassava cake.

Is This Your Final Answer?

From early morning, I've been walking in and out of PMH. Thursday is my last pre-Bone Marrow Transplant tests. There are numbers of physicians and staff I met, from dentist, radiologist, pulmonary technologist, nurses, the transplant team and even psychiatrist.

First, CT scan of Chest.

FACTS: CT SCAN of Chest. Computed tomography (also known as CT or CAT scanning) of the chest uses special equipment to obtain multiple cross-sectional images of the organs and tissues of the chest. (PMH)

Second, dental appointment. I will be receiving one radiation treatment before the transplant.

FACTS: Radiation treatment is used to remove cancer cells from the body. It has oral and dental side effects due to the impact of radiation on the saliva glands, teeth and tooth supporting bone (PMH)

It is the role of the dentist to prevent any other dental problems, of course, that means doing my part too...

Third, met with the psychiatrist for an hour. I guess they want to make sure I can handle the stress of the transplant, especially the effects of post-transplant.

Fourth, a pulmonary function test at Mount Sinai Hospital to assess the functional status of my lungs.

Blood was drawn again to check my blood counts. All these test will be repeated again after the transplant.

Last but not the least, to see the transplant team for our last talk and to sign all the documents needed to be signed before they do the transplant. To answer "YES" to the procedure with no second thoughts. Is this your final answer? This is more than a million dollar question to me now. YES, it is my final answer...and so help me God.

Touched by an Angel

In I Corinthians 13:11, you will find these words, "When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child..." Yes, when I was child, I wanted to be the best of the best. But that was a childish way for me now. Why? Because I think I just wanted it to be for a wrong reason like to be praised, to be honoured, to be recognized...

• I have a good friend who once told me "Thanks for looking up to me. Whatever good you've seen in me, that's Christ and not me." If she's reading this, you know who you are and thank you for reminding me that it's all because of Him...
  
• When I was in the hospital, another friend who never missed to give me a call. In spite of her big belly because her second baby is on the way, she will always be there not just for me but for my family. She would not mind driving me to my appointment even if she was a week away from her due date.
  
• Not just one person but the whole family who were also there for me. They took care of me, day and night even if they have to sleep in an uncomfortable chair. They sang for me to lift my spirits high. They strengthen me with their prayers.
  
• I have friends who were also there to make me laugh even with their silly jokes, they will try so hard just to see me with a smile. So many things they did for me like bring me flowers, foods, books and gifts; send an email or a card; sacrifice their lunchtime to visit me; starts and contributes in the fund raising for me; calls from far and wide, they are there to show they care.

Everyday we are touched by friends, love ones, and even people we hardly know, to show us love. In what they have done and showed me, I see them as angels sent by God. Did you ever think that angels are real? Angels in the form of ordinary people to bring us God's message. Have you been touched by an angel lately?

"...When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me." On the Mid-Week Prayer Meeting we attended, this is what I realized...I don't have to be the best, I don't want to be praised, I don't want to be honoured, I don't want to be recognized, I simply want to be a follower of God and be a witness. Did you know that I used to have a desire of preaching to many people? Last night's speaker reminds me of my dream. But I don't have the guts, I don't even have the talent or skill. But I want to be used by God in a way I can and in a way He wanted me to.

Hello God

I got this email this afternoon...this is not the first time I received this email but this time it brought a new meaning to me and I want to share it to you, again...

Hello God,

I called tonight

To talk a little while

I need a friend who'll listen

To my anxiety and trial.

You see, I can't quite make it

Through a day just on my own...

I need your love to guide me,

So I'll never feel alone.

I want to ask you please to keep

My family safe and sound.

Come and fill their lives with confidence

For whatever fate they're bound.

Give me faith, dear God, to face

Each hour throughout the day,

And not to worry over things

I can't change in any way.

I thank you God for being home

And listening to my call,

For giving me such good advice

When I stumble and fall.

Your number, God, is the only one

That answers every time.

I never get a busy signal,

Never had to pay a dime.

So thank you, God, for listening

To my troubles and my sorrow.

Good night, God, I love You too,

And I'll call again tomorrow!

2 Seconds

Not 2 seconds but Second days times two...

1. Jensine's second day of school

Going out from our house was not easy at all. I kept hearing from Jensine that he does not want to go back to school all weekends and Monday morning. Monday was his second day of school. Few people told me that he might cry for a week or two. So I was prepared that he would shed tears when we leave him. But thank goodness, he did not...he was even glad to fall in line. Even his teacher was surprised to see him with a smile. Is this a good sign that he wants to go to school everyday?

2. Amor's second day of G-CSF medication

Remember my sister Amor, she's my donor. She will have to take Granuolocyte Colony Stimulating Factor (G-CSF) by injection for four consecutive days before they can harvest or do the Peripheral Blood Stem Cell Collection.

FACTS: G-CSF causes the stem cells to leave the bone marrow and circulate in the bloodstream. The donor may experience muscle aches, bone pain, headaches and fatigue while on this medication, but these symptoms will subside once the medication is stopped.

When I called her, she does not feel any symptoms yet. Is the medicine working for her in preparation for the PBSC Collection?

REFLECTIONS: Believe, this is the keyword for today. I believe that one day Jensine will learn to like school and I also believe that my sister will be able to produce enough stem cells for me, in God's time. I know that everything happens for a reason and that there is always a good and bad aspects of it. Personally, I always think of the worst first to prepare myself, then I do my best to see the good part. Sometimes, it is not easy to see the good side especially when we are blinded by our emotions. Believe that everything will work for our good. We may not see it now, maybe someday, but believe that one day you will see.

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose."
Romans 8:28, NIV

My Wishlist

Friday was Jensine's official first day of shcool. Not to embarrass my son but he did cry on his first day. Hearing your son crying would almost want you to cry too...but I didn't. But it was so hard for me to leave the school yard.

To prepare him for first day of Junior Kindergarten, we planned to send him to a daycare and other preparatory school. But when I got sicked, lots of things changed, not just emotionally, physically, spiritually but even financially. This include changes with our plans for Jensine... although, here in Canada, you can find Early Years Program for free. But it was still a concern for us since my immune system is low due to treatments. You know how they said that kids are prone to virus and germs. We can't allow him to meet with many kids that could potentially pass even cold virus to him and later to me. He also stopped his swimming lesson.

This is one of my wishes before going back and staying for a while in the hospital, to see Jensine goes to school. I had this in mind even before I decided to have the transplant. I walked him to school Friday morning with Jerson and Ina. Ina will be the official person to pick him up and drop him off to school. It's so nice to meet Jensine's teacher and her assistant. They are very nice to Jensine and it gave me peace of mind.

If you read on the right side of this site, you will also find my Wishlist. One of them is the Muhlach's Mega Melt Ensaymada. It is a Filipino pastry covered with butter and lots of shredded cheese. This is one of things I wanted to eat before I start my chemotherapy or before I start my special diet. There are lists of foods that I cannot eat when I am on Low Microbial Diet or LMD.

FACTS: Low Microbial Diet is a diet that does not allow you to eat foods that may contain large amounts of harmful organisms. These specific foods, which have been excluded to my diet, to reduce the risk of infection. This diet is used along with the "Guide to Safe Eating" by PMH. This diet stops when my blood counts, specifically, the nutrophils (a portion of the white blood cell population that fights bacterial infections) went up.

If you noticed, I crossed out the Muhlach Ensaymada on my list. Thanks to my dear friend, "Mareng Ica". I told her how much I wanted to eat ensaymada and if she knew how it can be delivered from the Philippines (if it's allowed to be shipped here). She found out that her co-worker has a store in North York and they are selling Muhlach Ensaymada. As soon as she finds out, she gave me a call to ask which flavor I want. With special delivery from Mississauga by a very good friend of mine, I had a box of scrumptious, mouthwatering ensaymada to indulge. "Thanks again from the bottom of my heart not only for the ensaymada but the friendship that we have. "

Another thing I crossed out from my wishlist under gadgets to own was the webcam. My kind and loving husband bought me a webcam. This time I need it instead of I want it. I need it because this is the tool we are going to use to talk and see Jensine when I am in the hospital. At least three weeks that I will be in isolation and Jensine will not be able to visit me those time. And I also have relatives and friends from far who wanted to see me. Anyways, he bought a cheap webcam, as long as it works, I don't mind :)

Friday, three wishes came true...

REFLECTIONS: Saturday morning I learned a lot from Mt. Zion Church speaker, Mr. Ulyses Guarin about "Stewardship: Boon or Bane?" and "Principles of Personal/Family Finance". I mainly want to mention how he gave us ideas to tell apart "wants" from "needs" and the following questions he presented to us will determine if we really need something...

1. Do you need it? Yes or No (If yes, go to second question)
2. Can you afford it? Yes or No (If yes, go to last question)
3. Will it give glory to God or self?

This will always be a good reminder for me and this also means to go back to my wishlist, especially on material things I posted...there are things I just want to have and it will be deleted...

Long List and Short Talk

I went to my clinic appointment at PMH yesterday afternoon. The first thing I did was to go to the 2nd floor and the receptionist told me to go to 1st floor for blood collection. Hmmm, I did not know about this. I really thought this appointment would only be a short talk with the transplant doctor about the tests they did to my sister and what they found and concluded. You probably know how much I hate needles. Hate, that is very harsh word to use. Let's just say I don't like... at least I used a positive verb.

Anyway, let's go back to the Blood Clinic and guess what? My disappointment turned to happiness when I saw Debbie. Debbie had took blood from me before using needle (not from hickman line). To tell you honestly, she was really good. I almost :) did not feel when she poked me. She also remembered I was very frightened. I used to go to Transfusion Unit on 2nd floor to draw blood since I have my hickman line.

FACTS: Hickman line is one type of 'long line' or 'central line'. A central venous catheter (CVC) is an intravenous line that is inserted into one of the major veins in the chest, with the tip lying in the superior vena cava (the main vein which drains directly into the right side of the heart). The end of a Hickman line hangs out of the chest with two lumens (tubes) and is usually sealed off with a cap.

After I had an infection end of July, my Hickman line was taken out. They used to draw blood from it so no poking needed. But now, I have no choice, they will have to poke me to draw some blood. Every appointment, two tubes of blood was taken from me. I was stunned when Debbie printed out the labels for the tubes that day. Not two, not three but more than ten tubes of blood were taken from me.

Then I waited for my transplant doctor and he had a short talk with me and Jerson. He just want to make sure that I am aware of added risks because of my sister's condition. He also said that this risk is small compared to the risk if bone marrow transplant will not be done.

REFLECTIONS: It's so hard not to worry in my case, knowing that there are potential complications that may occur after the transplant. But this is not what I am worried about, I am worried about Jerson and my only son, Jensine. I've learned to trust and fully give my life to Him. I should also learn and accept that He will always be with my love ones, especially, Jerson and Jensine, no matter what...

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 4:6-7 (NIV)

Oh yeah! about my foot pain, the doctor said not to worry about it...although I will feel pain for a while.

Foot Pain

For couple of days, I've been feeling pain on my heel. I know what causes the pain, I think. I was wearing a new and big flip flops for a while because I left my own flip flops in my sister Nancy's place when I stayed there. That's why I love my own flip flops even they're old and getting thin. My feet are perfectly molded into them.

But the pain is unusual for me. I feel the pain when I am sitting, standing or walking but not when I am lying in bed. There are times I am not sure if what I am feeling is just normal or cause by my sickness.

Yesterday, I was planning to ask my nurse at PMH but I thought maybe I should wait another day and see what happens. Before the end of the day, I got a call from my transplant nurse. She told me that all the test for my sister Amor were done and they wanted to see me for a talk. Isn't a good timing too, I will have to see my doctor and I can ask him about my foot.

REFLECTIONS: Sometimes God answers our prayers before we ask Him. Skeptics would say this was merely a coincidense. But for me, I believe that God has His own way to show that He will always there for me, especially when I most needed Him. Isn't He a loving and true God?

"I will answer them before they even call to Me. While they are still talking to Me about their needs, I will go ahead and answer their prayers!"

Isaiah 65:24 (TLB)

Preparation

It's been busy and exhausting long weekend for us... For the past 2 days, we've been doing a lot of preparation... a lot of work on "Labour Day"...

• Preparation for Jensine's first day of school - Yaay! I have a school boy! Yes, he will start Junior Kindergarten this school year. This is our first as much as his! Where to start? What to do? How can I make this transition easier for him, or easier for me?
• Preparation for my sister's arrival - We cleaned the room where my oldest sister will be using while she's here. That room, where my father used to occupy, has not been used for a while. It became a stock room for stuff we don't use regularly.
• Preparation for my near admission to hospital - This time I can prepare on what I need and what I want to have with me to the hospital.

REFLECTIONS: I am sure that most people are doing different kinds of preparation everyday to make their lives easier and more organized. We want to get things ready even for small things because we don't want a lot of surprises. Are we preparing for the soon coming of Jesus? Am I prepared to meet Him? Are you?

"Let not your heart be troubled. You are trusting God, now trust in Me. There are many homes up there where my Father lives, and I am going to prepare them for your coming. When everything is ready, then I will come and get you, so that you can always be with Me where I am. If this weren't so, I would tell you plainly. And you know where I am going and how to get there."
John 14:1-3 (TLB)

Fearing the Unknown

Part of the pre-Bone Marrow Transplant test is the Lumbar Puncture. I never had this before. Doctors and nurses told me this is a lot better than the Bone Marrow Test. My doctor who did the procedure told me, "If you had Bone Marrow Test before, this is just a walk in the park for you. But it's normal to fear the unknown".

Jensine was only 1 year old when he had this procedure, nothing abnormal was found. (He's fine now.) We were told before that this was a dangerous procedure, but it has to be done. Mine was done yesterday.

FACTS: Lumbar Puncture is a prcedure in which a small amount of spinal fluid is removed from the spinal canal. Also called a spinal tap. Patients are usually required to lay for three to four hours after the procedure to prevent headaches. In spite of this precaution headaches, sometimes lasting days, may occur. (PMH)

Procedure dealing with the spine sounds really dangerous to me. But the doctor said the only danger is infecction from the insertion of needle from the skin to spine that's why they clean the area very well.

I still have to watch some strange reaction like headaches that won't go away for days, and signs of infection like fever, redness around the area and being confuse. And have them called right away. In case it happens at night, I have to go to the emergency.

Eighteen hours had passed, and the only thing I felt was a slight headache and pain on my back. So hopefully, that's it, no headache or infection...

REFLECTIONS: Before I was diagnosed I was very scared of needle and I still am. I don't know how many times I was poked and for others who can figure out, I shouldn't be scared anymore. I've said this before for a laugh, "I am scared of needle than to die". Haa! Ha! Ha! It's funny because I am ready to face what my future holds but needles scare me. When the needle is in place, then I am fine. I think it's just normal to be scared sometimes, to anticipate bodily pain for we're only humans. Is it normal or it's just me?

Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.

Isaiah 41:10