Facts and Reflections

Out of Sight...Out of Mind...

2008-10-30T18:15:00.000-04:00

...is sometimes true but not always.

I've been away for a while, ok, let's rephrase that...I've been away from blogging for more than a year. But that does not mean God's goodness never happened or reflected in my life for the past year. And that He is always in my mind everyday.

From GoEnglish, Out of sight, out of mind means "There are some things which we think about only as long as we can see them in front of us". Anyway, with regards to our great God...We live by faith, not by sight. (2 Corinthians 5:7)

It's really hard to find a reason why I have not shared anything for the past year...let's try it this way...Absence makes the heart grow fonder. (GoEnglish)Did that work?

Anyhow, at this time of the year, I do celebrate something...we'll call it my second life birthday...yes...that's how fast time was running. It's been 3 years since I had my Bone Marrow Transplant. I had my annual check-up at Princess Margaret Hospital and Mount Sinai Hospital last October 21st. Everything went well...God is good...All the time.

I hope this is a restart of my blogging days...

Six Months to Blog

2007-09-29T22:29:00.000-04:00

It's been a while and just realizing it's been 6 months since my last blog. I've been a very, very busy wife, mom, daughter, sister, aunt, great aunt ("oh yeah"), friend and worker (another "oh yeah" to that). I don't want this post to be very, very long so I will briefly give you the highlights of my past six months.

April

Early April, my father and parent's in-law went back to Philippines for vacation for 2 months. Imagine me being a full-time mom doing the chores. Of course, I have the full support from my beloved husband.

5- Jensine started to attend Tae-kwon-do classes once a week.
17- I had my monthly check-up at Princess Margaret Hospital- blood test, eye exam and doctor's appointment -all is well.

May

Still bringing Jensine for hid Tae-kwon-do classes every week.

15- I had my monthly check-up at Princess Margaret Hospital- blood test, eye exam and doctor's appointment -all is well. My doctor told me to stop my anti-rejection pills.

20- I still did not have enough, I helped a friend for her son's birthday preparations with invitations and give-aways. Another passion of mine not many people knows.

June

8- Jensine passed his Tae-kwon-do Yellow Stripe Belt Exam.
12- had my monthly check-up at Princess Margaret Hospital- blood test, eye exam bone mineral density test, dental appointment and doctor's appointment -all is very well. I will be back to see them in 3 months.
First day of work, my manager, was able to arrange with the company for me to work 2 days from home and the other 3 days, I will be in the office.

22- Jensine's Senior Kindergarten Graduation Day / Jerson's birthday

Since, it's Jerson's Birthday, too, the 3 of us went out for lunch to celebrate.

Our Barkada also gave us a Surprised Party, for Jensine's Graduation, Jerson's Birthday and my new job.

July

1 to 7- Vacation Bible School at Mt. Zion Church
6- Friends from Chicago visited us.
22- Explore the beauty of nature in Niagara Falls.
the rest were just work and home. Adjusting to my new load of commitment.

August

5- Brought Jensine to Circus
7- Follow up with the denists at Princess Margaret
10- Auntie Juliet visited us from California
25- Share God's Good News at Kalamazoo, Michigan and had the chance to visit Battlecreek, Michigan.
27 - Jensine watched Toopie & Binoe Live Show at Vaughan Mills

September

1 to 3- Road trip to Pennsylvania. Visited Lost River Cavern, Crayola Factory, Hershey Factory and King of Prussia Mall

After all these big changes from being very ill, home/hospital stay gal, I probably stretched my energy so much that I got sick middle of September. No worries and no regrets, for today, I am celebrating my 2-Year Anniversary of my Bone Marrow Transplant. On Monday, October 1st, I will have my Anniversary check-up from blood test, Pulmonary Function Test, Mammogram and doctor's appointment.

For all these, all I can say is "God is Good, all the Time". All praises are to Him, our God and Saviour, from whom all blessings flow.

When You Believe...

2007-03-29T13:45:00.001-04:00

Please click this link to listen to the song while reading my blog.

Many nights we pray
With no proof anyone could hear
And our hearts a hopeful song
We barely understood
Now we are not afraid
Although we know theres much to fear
We were moving mountains long
Before we know we could

Hearing this song reminds me of my past experience...exactly 2 years ago...when I thought I would say to my friends and acquaintances, "that's all folks" or to my relatives, "this is it, please take care of Jensine and Jerson, or to my love buddies, Jerson and Jensine, "I will always be in your heart"...reminiscing still makes me cry, but now with tears of joy and thankfulness.

And now I am standing here
My hearts so full I can't explain
Seeking faith and speaking words
I never thought I'd say
There can be miracles When you believe
Though hope is frail Its hard to kill
Who know what miracle
You can achieve
When you believe
Somehow you will
You will when you believe

I have learn so much in this experience and I have also seen how many friends I have. How much they are willing to be there for me and will always be ready to be there for my hubby and son. When you give all your worries to Him, you will be amaze of what science can do with lots of prayers and human love. I can only say there can be miracles when you believe...

They dont always happen when you ask
And its easy to give in to your fear
But when you're blinded by your pain
Can't see you way safe through the rain
Thought of a still resilient voice
Says love is very near

When exactly 2 years ago I heard, "2 months to live"...now I hear, "With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible." (Matthew 19:26)

More good promises for you and for me...just believe.

Happy Birthday to Me...

2007-03-12T19:17:00.000-04:00

Another year of blessing. Just few of the greetings and wishes I received for my birthday.

Happy birthday Kaye! More birthdays to come! God bless always!- Rhea

Happy Birthday sis! Just always hang on and you'll be fine. Always remember we'll always be here for you. - Ate nancy

Happy Birthday Ate Kaye...best wishes and may God continue to bless you with the fullness and richness of His Blessings=) ur life is a living testimony of what GOd has done for u..and i know that even through your trials and troubles..ur faith in has not been hindered and you can truely witness God miracles that He has done in your life, just think..maybe if it wasn't for Him..maybe you wouldn't have this birthday...sooo I ask God to continue to strengthen you and may u be able to spread His love through ur life and through your testimony=) May He truely continue to dwell within you heart=) Love Christine Alberastine

I just wanted to wish you a HAPPY BIRTHDAY and a smile :) on this wonderous occasion and hopes of success in all your endeavours to come with you and your family. "Behold , I am with thee, and will keep thee in all places wither thou goest; I will not leave thee" Genesis 28:15. Pray about everything, worry about nothing. Take care and have a Blessed Sabbath to come. - A.j. Basit

Hi Kaye - Have fun on your birthday! May you have many many more birthdays to come!!!!Regards to your family, - Deg

Happy Birthday!!! God is really good and i know he has a purpose for you out here... I always pray for you... i know you will reach more than what you expected... all we need is to keep holdin on... love you... - Ate Annie

kmusta na ?Beleted happy birthday sa yo.and god bless ur family. - B-chelle

HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPYB-DAY!!! MAY ALL YOUR WISH COME TRUE!!!HAVE A NICE DAY!Gracielle

Happy Birthday 2 uTake care always and God Bless - Arel

Wishing you all the happiness in the world on your Birthday. Have a blessed Birthday Mare! You're always in my prayers!Love & Hugs,"Ate" Jo-Anne ^_^

b-lated happy b-day po.wishing u a healthy and happy life.god bless - Donna

There are more greetings and wishes from friends, family and love ones. Thank you for all those who remember my birthday. Same as last year, I was crying again on my birthday not because of my past but because of my son, Jensine...yes, I said I was crying again for I remember I was crying last year. This time it was different...we were having chat last Friday, March 9 (my birthday), before we went to bed...I don't remember why all of a sudden our conversation turned to this...

Jensine: Mom, I want to be a doctor, so if they cannot heal you I'll be there . I'll save the day.

I can't help myself but cry in front of him...his young age and mind...does not fully understand my situation. But I hope and pray that God will give him wisdom and knowledge to understand and accept what the future holds us...this is my prayer.

I'm Back!

2007-03-08T18:50:00.000-05:00

...not just in blogging but also in the hospital.

Yes, I was in the hospital last week. Jerson brought me to the emergency for 39.something fever. I did not want to go at first so I tried to wait, thinking maybe my fever will go down. But I had chills and been shaking for a while. When we called Princess Margaret Hospital, they told Jerson I had to be seen by a doctor. So we were going to see the doctor near us, but I could not even stand by myseld nor walk down the stairs to get to the van. I was so weak that Jerson decided to call 9-1-1.

So from Monday, March 5 I was in the hospital near us, Etobicoke General. It was not my first option but I had no choice, paramedics can only take me to the nearest hospital.

My blood pressure was so low, 89 over 58 (normal is 120 over 80), even the IV to increase my fluid did not help. It was like that for the days I was confined in the hospital. There were times it will go up to 107 over 80 but that was very seldom.

They found out I had infection in my blood. I am home now but still taking antibiotic for another week.

My white blood counts went up too, something that anybody can worry about since my history of Leukemia...but Psalms 36, verses 7 - 9... This is what Pastor Edwin Martin read to us when he visited me in the hospital.

7 How precious is Your lovingkindness, O God! Therefore the children of men put their trust under the shadow of Your wings.
8 They are abundantly satisfied with the fullness of Your house, And You give them drink from the river of Your pleasures.
9 For with You is the fountain of life; In Your light we see light.

Imagine Me Without You

2007-01-11T13:49:00.000-05:00

Last night, we attended the Mid-week Prayer. Lo and behold, starting from the beginning, I was so blessed that I attended this with my family. The prayers, the study about "Atmosphere at Home", and the singing, I learned so much from all of them. The Message in Song by Zieline Lucrida was so touching. She sang "Imagine Me Without You" (hear this from YouTube).

Imagine Me Without You

As long as stars shine down from heaven

And the rivers run into the sea

Til the end of time forever

You’re the only love I’ll need

In my life you’re all that matters

In my eyes the only truth I see

When my hopes and dreams have shattered

You’re the one that’s there for me

When I found you I was blessed

And I will never leave you, I need you

Chorus:

Imagine me without you

I’d be lost and so confused

I wouldn’t last a day, I’d be afraid

Without you there to see me through

Imagine me without you

Lord, you know it’s just impossible

Because of you, it’s all brand new

My life is now worthwhile

I can’t imagine me without you

When you caught me I was falling

You lifted me back on my feet

It was like you heard me calling

And you rush to set me free

When I found you I was blessed

And I will never leave you, I need you

Chorus

When I found you I was blessed

And I will never leave you, I need you oh

Chorus

I can’t imagine me without you

Reflections: Imagine me without YOU. Imagine me without a family who will always there for me; without friends who always make me laugh; without a church family who supports and prays for me and my family; without an acquaintance who helps me realize my dreams; without a son who always makes me feel the bestest; without a husband who loves me no matter what; without God who blesses me with all these...I can't imagine me without you, yeah, including you!

Maryland, District of Columbia, Virginia

2007-01-04T14:56:00.000-05:00

Our last trip for the year, from December 26 to December 30, we hit the road again. This time, just the three of us, Jerson, Jensine and me. The main trip was to Washington, D. C. We left Toronto at around 11 p.m. for a night trip so Jensine will not be bored for the 9-hour drive. Of course, we brought with us his portable DVD player just in case he will get bored.

Since we were just gonna drive, we decided to pass by Seventh-Day Adventist World Headquarter at Silver Spring, Maryland. Unfortunately, they were close for the tour but we were able to take some pictures for souvenir. Then we headed to ABC Potomac at Maryland.

Next stop, was to get rested to the hotel we are staying, Four Seasons Hotel at Washington, D. C. As one of the premier hotel at D. C. area, we hardly can afford the 3-night stay here. This stay was courtesy of Isadore and Rosalie, with the help of Nan, Bong and Emie (purposedly deleted their lastnames to hide their identities). Thank you very much for making this trip possible!

To welcome my little Jensine, they provided child-size bathrobe and slipper, children's books and activity set, plush toy, balloon and a personalised chocolate chip cookie from the Hotel Manager.

That evening, since we promised Jensine, we are going to swim, Four Seasons Hotel has a two lane indoor pool. This will be his main event for this trip, he misses swimming so much since we stopped his swimming lesson when I got sick.

The next day, we visited National Air and Space Museum, U. S. Capitol, National Gallery of Art Museum, National Gallery of Art Sculpture Garden and Washington Monument. There are lots of things to do and visit at Washington, D. C. but with my not so great condition, we cannot go to see them all. I was already tired half of our plan for this day. And with lots of stops to rest, we did not have enough time to finish our planned-day tour.

This was taken inside the National Gallery of Art Museum where Jensine found a Wishing Well and asked me if I have a coin so he can make a wish. I asked him what he wished for..."I wish for a baby brother or sister." Whew! We need another miracle!

Friday, we went to Virginia to see the Pentagon. Again, every trip, we never missed doing lots of window shopping. At night, we just walk around the neighborhood where we see a lot of high fashion stores, the familiar golden dome of Washington, and Georgetown Mall.

Then, we went back to the hotel for another dip in the pool. Jensine enjoys this a lot since this was also the first time I can go into the water, I don't have my hickman line, so I can do this without fear of any infection to my line.

Late at night, we decided to drive around the city, to see the night view. We walk around the White House, United States Department of Treasury, Eisenhower Executive Office Building, Jefferson Memorial and Lincoln Memorial.

This is not our first time here at Washington, D. C. About 8 years ago, the Singles Ministry Department of Mt. Zion Church went here including me and Jerson, because we just got married months before the trip. But this trip will be very special for me and my family, since this will be our first trip together, just the 3 of us after my 2 year battle with my sickness. This is the best new year gift for us, after my recovery, to renew, to refresh and to restart this second life given to me with my beloved husband and son.

Illinois

2006-11-27T10:16:00.000-05:00

Oh yes, another road trip. This time to Illinois. When Ninong Sangko (Uncle Gani) passed away on 2003, we never had the chance to visit our relatives in Chicago. One of the reason was I got sicked. Now, that I can get out of my cocoon, we planned to visit them for U. S. Thanksgiving.

We left Toronto early Wednesday morning and arrived at my cousins' house before night time. We stayed there for the whole time. We visited Ninang Sangka's condo, not far from my cousins' place.

November 23rd, we had a good Thanksgiving Lunch with Kuya Michael's brother and sister with their families. Thank you for the yummy food we had for lunch like, the Baked Chicken Breast with White Sauce, Roasted Whole Thanksgiving Turkey, Candied Sweet Potatoes, Pancit, and many others.

We visited Nanay Letty at Thanksgiving night for dinner and saw her kids and their families. Nanay Letty and kids are from Malabon as well.

November 24th, Ate Lulyn and Kuya Albert invited us to their new house and we went out for lunch at Filipiniana Restaurant at Niles, Illinois. Thank you very much! Of course, we did a little shopping and a lot of window shopping :) When we get to my cousins' house, Jensine was surprised by her Aunt Rosi, Aunt Len, Uncle Michael and Ate Kennedy with lots of presents for his coming birthday and Christmas.

Next day, we attended Sabbath at Hinsdale Fil-Am Church and stayed the afternoon at the Mariano's Residence, house of Kuya Reinier's brother and sister-in-law. I met Ate Lita's in-laws and heard the sound of Tatay (Kuya Rainier's father) as he played his guitar. It was an amazing sound.

Before we headed Toronto, we went to visit the graveyard of my Uncle with my Ninang Sangka and my cousins with Kennedy. We also passed by at Ate Linda's place to pick up Chicago's finest Cheesecake, Eli's. Thank you very much for the cheesecakes.

This was another pleasant vacation we had this year. I saw my relatives again and be with them again. Surely, Jensine enjoyed this vacation and meeting them since he was still a baby when we last came. He also thinks that it was another birthday celebration for him for he got lot of gifts. We do hope to see them again someday, God permits. Thank you very much for the warmth and joyful thanksgiving. Thank you for the accommodation, food, late night chat and for everything. We hope to see you again!

Michigan

2006-10-23T19:22:00.000-04:00

Since March 2005, when I first diagnosed with Leukemia, I was bound to stay home or at least, near the hospital.

April 2006, was supposed to be my first trip out of town, courtesy of the Lumbo family, to Wigamog Inn Resort at Haliburton, Ontario. Unfortunately, I was confined in the hospital and was never allowed to go anywhere even after I was discharged on May 1. So this trip was cancelled. My doctors want to have me very close because of my situation.

Days, months had passed. I asked my doctors again if I can go out of the country. They said yes, but not in tropical countries like Philippines. So then, I was excited to cross the boarder on a road trip. Kuya Orly and Ate Ruby found out and they decided to take me and my family (Jerson and Jensine) with them to Michigan to visit their daughter, Jackie. This will be my first trip out of the country, more or less, just across the boarder.

We went to Andrews University at Berrien Springs, Michigan. We did a lot of shopping, well, mostly, window shopping along the way. It was also Kuya Orly's birthday so they took us out for dinner with Jackie who attends in Andrews.

We attended the Sabbath at Kalamazoo, Michigan were we met the other Mt. Zion members like the Frias couple, Regoso family and Jaraba family. Auntie Josie was there, too. After the service, we found out that we were to attend a birthday party of Tatay, relative of Auntie Milet. We joined them for dinner and stayed at Auntie Maila and Uncle Tito's house for the night.

I want to take this opportunity to thank Kuya Orly and Ate Ruby for this first time trip out of Canada, for everything. The hosts, Jackie at Berrien Springs and Auntie Maila and Uncle Tito's at Kalamazoo for their hospitality. And for all the people we met there, thank you for this good experience.

Ontario Science Centre

2006-10-15T21:04:00.000-04:00

Believe it or not, this was my first time here at Ontario Science Centre, as well as Jerson. Needless to say, this was also Jensine's first. This was a free summer family trip from Telus Mobility, where Jerson works. So, I said, "why not try?, anyways, it's free".

I have not been doing a lot of walking trips like this so I brought my cane for safety. It was very tiring for me but seeing Jerson and Jensine having fun, I felt happy too.

There were lots of fun and activities for kids like face painting, balloons, food, music, exhibits and shows.

It was a good day being with my family having fun while experiencing something new!

First Anniversary

2006-10-10T17:29:00.000-04:00

One year it has been...since I had my Bone Marrow Transplant. Today, I had my anniversary check up. I did blood test, Pulmonary Function Test at Mt. Sinai Hospital and a regular check-up by special doctors. Blood test result at the end of this blog. PFT is also fine, according to the oncologist who looked at the results. The only signs of rejections or better call it, reactions from the transplant was the discoloration on my face. Doctors said it will go away soon.

FACTS: Spirometry (meaning the measuring of breath) is the most common of the Pulmonary Function Tests (PFTs), measuring lung function, specifically the measurement of the amount (volume) and/or speed (flow) of air that can be inhaled and exhaled. (Wikipedia)

REFLECTIONS: I believe I have a purpose in this world, to serve God. I committed myself of telling my story, how God healed me and continously healing me. If you read my previous post about Thanksgiving, that was just a start. I am planning to do this in other places, wherever He wants me to. In Mark 8:35 from New International Version,

For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me and for the gospel will save it.

Complete Blood Count
HGB – 118 (normal range = 120 to 160)
PLT – 307
WBC - 4.9
Neut - 2.1
Mg - 0.66 (normal range = 0.70 up)
Creat - 51
Ca - 2.40

Liver Functions
ALB - not available
ALT - 16

ALP - 50
AST - 26
TBili - 4.8

Legend:
Green: Normal
Yellow: Abnormal
Red: Critical

Thanksgiving Service

2006-10-09T23:28:00.000-04:00

Canada's Thanksgiving Day! I presented in two churches about how thankful I am for everything that happened to me. Mt. Zion Church celebrated Thanksgiving Day on Sunday, October 8 while Scarborough Filipino Church was Monday, October 9.

I prepared a 30-minute speech of my life, my trials and my God. We have to be thankful to Him not just on Thanksgiving day but everyday.

"To give gratitude for what we have, yesterday, today and tomorrow. "

" Giving thanks to Him is easy when things are going fine…“The best way to show my gratitude to God is to accept everything, even my problems, with joy”, quoted by Mother Teresa"

"In Jeremiah 29 verse 11, For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. "

Premier pour Jensine

2006-09-05T19:42:00.000-04:00

First day of French school...

Are you ready my sunshine? I guess he is, look at that wide smile before going to French Immersion. Seems like, I was more worried than him.

With that kind of haircut :) It was also first to cut his hair very short. He did not like the idea but as parents, we have to make some tricks for him to like it.

The new school is more than 5 km. from our house. Oh yeah, for a young boy like him, any parent will be worried at the beginning. But I am sure, he will be fine...

First time to ride a school bus...

Did I tell you that we have to follow him from the bus stop to his actual school? We did, and we tried to hide ourselves so he would not think that we could be behind the bus everyday... Guess what? he saw us...what a big eyes he have.

First time to go home from new school by himself...

Jensine, you have to follow the line! He he he...with his height he has a hard time to hear or see what's going on in front of him :)

Luke 19:1-4
1Jesus entered Jericho and was passing through. 2A man was there by the name of Zacchaeus; he was a chief tax collector and was wealthy. 3He wanted to see who Jesus was, but being a short man he could not, because of the crowd. 4So he ran ahead and climbed a sycamore-fig tree to see him, since Jesus was coming that way.

It does not matter how tall or short are you, not even your looks and appearance will matter to God...because He sees not your outside looks but what is inside. "It is only with the heart that one can see rightly, what is essential is invisible to the eye"- Little Prince. We should also practice to look deeper...deeper in ones heart.

Summer - 2006

2006-08-31T22:18:00.000-04:00

Ontario Place - July 16th

Kids just wanna have fun at Ontario Place. Since, I was not that strong enough physically, I did not go with them.

Picture on the right was taken when Jensine was riding the MiniBumper Boats located in Market Square.

Whiz Kid for young drivers with this battery powered go-karts. Jensine was trying to avoid the pile of tires. After all rides and attractions, they sat to rest while watching the Big Comfy Couch Live!.

Jensine went with his dad, Jerson, and his cousins, Ate Sarah, Ate Gene, Kuya Justin, Kuya Keith, and Kuya Ivan. Oh, I know these kids are more than a handful for Jerson, so they all went with my sister Nancy.

Niagara Falls - July 23rd

Only Ate Nenette and her family is missing in this trip to Niagara Falls. All my sisters with their families were able to come with us. It was also my oldest sister, Irma, first trip to one of the many wonders of God's creations.

Canada's Wonderland - August 4th

This is another summer get-away that I cannot enjoy. Well, with my low immune system, I'd rather see their pictures with smiles in their face in spite of the tiredness they had walking and strolling Canada's Wonderland.

With all the thrill, excitement and live shows, I don't think I am ready for it yet. Anyway, If I was with them, I would probably just watch them anyway. I am not a big fun of rides.

Tilsonburg Beach - August 6th

I need sunlight! We went to Tilsonburg Beach, it was a long drive but it's worth it because this time, we went with Ate Nenette and her family..."the more, the merrier"

We had barbeque, vegetable salad, rice and of course, the famous Filipino rice. As a precaution, I did not go to the water yet, so I guess you know what I did the whole time...eat and to put in the light and warmth of the sun.

African Lion Safari - August 13th

I would say this is my first major summer get-away...because I have to walk, stroll and gaze at the animals God has amazingly created. And best of all, enjoying what my son enjoys and observing and witnessing his happiness as well as Jerson's, are my great joys in life. Sharing his adventures as a family.

Sandbank Beach - August 20th

Another weekend at the beach... again the whole family, my family's side and Jerson's side. What an incredible company we have together.

This summer we have seen lots of God's creation and not only that, being with the family you most love and sharing the joy and wonders of God.

"1 The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands."

Psalm 19:1

Piano Lesson

2006-07-14T08:14:00.000-04:00

We started Jensine to have piano lesson this summer. After couple of lessons, it seems that he does really like it...As a parent, we don't want to force him to do things or learn things...although, this is one of my frustrations...when I was young I wanted to learn to play piano, so it is part of my dream for my son to learn. But we just want to see first if he will like it and if he's into it. So far so good...

This picture was taken on his first day of piano lesson with Mae. He actually calls her "Ate Mae".

We did not just pick a piano teacher for the reason that he/she can teach. I personally admire Mae playing the grand piano at church, not just that, she really knows how to deal with kids...you know kids sometimes are hard to deal with :) Jensine is very close to Mae too. Since he was born, Mae is always around.

On the right, Jensine started to learn the basic.

We also want Jensine to play piano, not just for him to have a talent in music but also to use this talent to praise and glorify God.

Jensine would also mention that he wants to learn to play violin, guitar and drums. We'll see how these go, since I already have in my mind who can teach him this musical instruments. We'll do this one at a time.

In the meantime, we will focus on piano, we'll see how fast he can learn to read music notes and be able to incorporate it with other instruments...I am just making it sound very easy...

...as long as, he will serve and use his talent for the Lord.

Psalm 33:1-3
1 Sing joyfully to the LORD, you righteous; it is fitting for the upright to praise him.
2 Praise the LORD with the harp; make music to him on the ten-stringed lyre.
3 Sing to him a new song; play skillfully, and shout for joy.

VBS Fiesta 2006 Graduation Day

2006-07-08T23:01:00.000-04:00

This picture was taken on their Graduation Day at Mt. Zion Church. Ages from 3-5 were singing one of the songs entitled, "I Have a Friend" (Yo Tengo Un Amigo). The Spanish part of the song was shown on the screen.

Jensine, as well as, his cousins, really enjoyed "Fiesta". They learned 10 new songs with actions that teaches important Bible truths. Sacrificing the time to bring the kids to church every night was really worth it.

I remember my childhood days when I used to attend Vacation Bible School at Hulo, Malabon. It was unforgettable for me since I learned about Jesus, and His love, by singing, playing, stories, crafts and more. But it was not as "high-tech" as now. The songs are written on a paper for us to read, not displayed on a big screen :)

All of them got an award like Best Crew Team, and Best Crew Member. Jensine got an award for bringing the most number of kids, 5 cousins, to this Vacation Bible School. He did won this award last year, too. We'll see if he will get same award next year... because "We Want to See Jesus Lifted High"

We want to see, we want to see

We want to see Jesus lifted high

We want to see, we want to see
We want to see Jesus lifted,

Jesus lifted, Jesus lifted high

We want to see Jesus lifted high
A banner that flies across this land
That people will see the truth and know
He is the way to heaven

We want to see, we want to see
We want to see Jesus lifted high
We want to see, we want to see

We want to see Jesus lifted,
Jesus lifted, Jesus lifted high

VBS Fiesta 2006, Day 5

2006-07-06T23:21:00.000-04:00

Day 5

Bible Point: Jesus is our Helper!
Treasure Verse: Hebrews 13:6, "The Lord is my helper, so I will have no fear"

Believe it or not, I am still petrified just thinking of Tuesday. Well, you can't blame me, I had this hickman line pulled out before. I got infection last year that they had to pull it out and put it back before I had my Bone Marrow Transplant. And you bet, my first experienced was not very good. It was done at other hospital (I will not mention which one but definitely, not PMH) Ooh! I don't want to be reminded of what happened on that operating table :( Let's change the topic, then. "The Lord is my helper, so I will have no fear" :)

Day 5, today is the last day of Fiesta but the kids still have to come back tomorrow to rehearse for the VBS Graduation Day on Saturday, July 8 at 2:30pm. If you are near Mt.Zion vicinity, "Come on let's have some fun, it's all about Jesus love..."

VBS Fiesta 2006, Day 4

2006-07-05T21:21:00.000-04:00

Day 4

Bible Point: Jesus is our Saviour!
Treasure Verse: John 14:19, "Since I live, you also will live"

Seing my son, Jensine, doing the actions of every songs they sing at Fiesta, makes me very, very happy. His gracefulness and attentiveness when songs are played, made me feel very bless. For I know I am truly bless for having the life I have now, for having Jerson & Jensine and for having Jesus as our Saviour! Viva!

VBS Fiesta 2006, Day 3

2006-07-04T16:21:00.000-04:00

Day 3

Bible Point: Jesus is our Leader!
Treasure Verse: Matthew 4:19, "Jesus called out to them, "Come follow me""

In the morning, I went to PMH and see Dr. Lipton. He said my hickman line is fine but still have to watch for signs of infections and he also told me that they will pull out my hickman line next Tuesday. Yes, that will be this coming Tuesday, July 11th. Ouch! Did you ever think I am ready for that in spite of millions of needle and poking I got?! No way! On the other hand...nope, I can't even burst out the advantage of not having it when I think of the pain...ok, ok, fine, maybe not just pain but more on anxiety. Starting today, I should think and count the advantages of not having my hickman line to fight this anxiety. Best thing I could think of right now, is that, if taking out my line will really happen this Tuesday, that only means I am getting better...better that I won't be needing this line for chemotherapy and other medications :) Jesus is our Life! Viva! ...that was yesterday's Bible Point :)

23Jesus went throughout Galilee, teaching in their synagogues, preaching the good news of the kingdom, and healing every disease and sickness among the people.

Matthew 4:23 (New International Version)

VBS Fiesta 2006, Day 2

2006-07-03T21:20:00.000-04:00

Day 2

Bible Point: Jesus is our Life!
Treasure Verse: Deuteronomy 6:5, "...you must love the Lord your God with all your heart"

More songs and actions for Jensine to learn. Second day, and kids are really fired up about Jesus. But today, I just stayed home with my sister Nancy. I was not feeling very well, since I accidentally pulled my hickman line and there was a yellow discharge coming out of it. I called up the nursing supervisor at PMH and ask what I should do. Since no blood came out of it, they told me to keep an eye if I will have any signs of infection like fever. If I will have a fever I will have to call back and they might ask me to go to emergency. If not, I still have to see the doctor the following day, since they are close today, for July 3rd was a holiday (July 1st falls on a Saturday).

VBS Fiesta 2006: Where Kids are Fired Up About Jesus!

2006-07-02T22:19:00.000-04:00

Kid's Fiesta at Mt. Zion started today...this is the team for Vacation Bible school this year, Where Kids are Fired Up About Jesus!

Day 1

Bible Point: Jesus is our Friend!
Treasure Verse: John 15:15, "Now you are my friends!"

Jensine is having so much fun learning new songs with actions. This year, 5 of my nephews and nieces join again, Gene, Keith, Ivan, Justin and Sarah. After last years, Serengeti Trek, Where Kids are Wild About Jesus!, right away, they wanted to register for the following year's Vacation Bible School. They are really having fun, I can tell. Although, 2 of them are overage, early teens, they still join. This is a good way of teaching kids about Jesus with fun and excitement. Viva to our Director, Auntie Suzzette Frias and the crews and volunteers!

Canada Day!

2006-07-01T23:17:00.000-04:00

Happy Canada Day!

We used to watch fireworks every Canada Day near the surrounding area of Canada's Wonderland or at Chinguacousy Park in Brampton. But not this year, we went to celebrate our godmother's (Ninang Cora) birthday at their place. It was also a House Blessing for their second house near our place. We did enjoy the company of everyone especially the food :)

Many Things To Celebrate, Part 3

2006-06-30T20:12:00.000-04:00

What's the best way to Celebrate Life?!

This day, Mt. Zion Church and Fil-Can Church held and organized a blood clinic in the community with the help of Canadian Blood Services. Yes, the best way to celebrate life is to give life. How?! By donating blood, anyway, "it's in you to give". Jerson, Jensine and I went to witness the event and of course, to give thanks to those who courageously donate blood. Jerson, for one did donate. I was there to support the event and to show the people that I am very thankful for their action of donating blood. It was a sign for me how they support me again and again, since I used to be a blood recipient. I've been told by many friends who came to donate that they were doing this for me. Most of them are first time donors, too, like Jerson. I tried to promote this blood clinic to the church to encourage them to help people who needs blood or to give blood.

35In everything I did, I showed you that by this kind of hard work we must help the weak, remembering the words the Lord Jesus himself said: 'It is more blessed to give than to receive.' "

Acts 20:35 (New International Version)

"It is beyond doubt that giving is better than receiving, because that means you are able, well and healthy. I'd rather be poked once than getting poked numerous time. I believe in Science, blood and my sister's bone marrow and the healing power of God. There is Power in the Blood of the Lamb. There is also power in your blood, because you are children of God. So please, give blood and save lives, anyway, it's in you to give."

If you are a previous donor, I thank you and if you are planning to donate, I also thank you for your courageousness, willingness, and love for giving life to someone in need...you're helping and saving so many lives!

Many Things To Celebrate, Part 2

2006-06-30T09:58:00.000-04:00

Yes, this month of June, we have so many things to celebrate and thanks to our awesome God. Let's start with things to be thankful for in the beginning of this month...

I am out of a wheelchair!

Yes, for the past month, I've been using wheel chair since I came out of the hospital. Now, I am using a walker or more exactly a rollator. I am feeling a lot more better nowadays.

Father's Day, indeed!

Third Sunday of June, falls on June 18th this year. Since Jerson has been a father for 4 years now, our fathers on both side and all our godfather's except from Ninong Sangko (Isagani Odulio) who passed away couple of years ago, are still pretty much healthy, we have something to celebrate. Since, I am still a bit weak, we did not have a big celebration, rather, we just called them up and greet them "Happy Father's Day". Nevertheless, we always have a Father above, who we can always give praises and thanks not just on Father's Day but everyday.

Jerson is 30!

"Better believe it, my beloved husband! Ha-ha-ha! You're not young anymore." He turned 30 on the 22nd and we had a small but yet a happy celebration on this day with families and friends, who we considered part of our family. It was a successful one, although not everyone we expect to be there were able to come.

8th Years of Marriage!

Looks like we made it
Look how far we've come my baby
We mighta took the long way
We knew we'd get there someday...

On June 30th of 1998, we said, "I do". This may not happened in the church but truly, he is Heaven Sent. "Mahal, thanks for the wonderful, wonderful, wonderful, 8 years plus that we've been together. If there hadn't been you in my life, where would I be, now. Happy Anniversary, Mahal." We have our ups and downs but looking back all those years, I still believe that everything happens for a reason.

11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Jeremiah 29:11 (New International Version)

Mahal, this is for you...for "Everyday, I Love You!"

Many Things To Celebrate, Part 1

2006-05-31T15:50:00.000-04:00

May 18th, double celebration we had!

We had a double celebration, since it was Ate Nenette's Birthday and Ina & Ama's Wedding Anniversary. We had a simple get together with families only.

May 29th, my Tatay's Birthday!

He celebrated his birthday at my sister Amor's house on Saturday, May 27th. Just as we want it to be, only families are there. Well, having said that, we have a pretty big family here now in Canada, plus our extended families.

How We Celebrate This with Thankfulness?!

May 19th, we took them out, Ina & Ama and Tatay, to have dinner out at Pickle Barrel. We had fun strolling in the mall before we headed to the restaurant. The food was good but nothing special for me, I think I can cook those meals the same if not better (Yay! as if I can cook now!) Anyway, we're not talking about just the food, this is more of just being together, one big family! Thanks again to my Tatay, and Ina & Ama, for being our parents and being always there for us. We love you!

42 Days Get-A-Way!

2006-05-10T08:09:00.000-04:00

LEAVING FROM: 3 Orpington Crescent
GOING TO: Princess Margaret Hospital

DEPARTING: March 20th, @ 11 am dropped by Kuya Lemuel with Ate Cindy and Destiny
RETURN: May 1st @ 5 pm picked up by Jerson

HOTEL: Princess Margaret Hospital

GUESTS: Of course, I have my regular guests like, Jerson, Jensine, Ina, Ama, Tatay, Ate Irma, Ate Nancy, Dete Amor, Ate Nenette, Kuya Rene, Uriel, Rainon, Sheila, Eli, Adi, Rob, Arly, Jeff, Jill, Cathy, Jops, and many more.

CALLERS and MESSAGES: So many to mention...

ACTIVITIES: I was admitted to the hospital for GRAFT-VERSUS-HOST DISEASE on LIVER, GUT and SKIN.

First week, I am not allowed to eat anything other than "clear broth". Yes, clear broth, chicken, beef or vegetable clear broth...my diet was stricted to lactose free, sugar free, caffeine free, fat free, well, since only clear broth I can have, I guess restricted to everything...hihihi
Second week, my diet is still the same.
Third week, they added low fiber starchy food, like white bread, crackers, white rice. Yipppee!
Fourth week, they added sugar. Now, at least, I can have Jelly on my toast or honey!
Fifth week, I can have almost everything but I have to do it gradually. I can have meat, so I started with fish. I can also have some low fiber vegetables and fruits but depending how I can tolerate it. I can only add 3 new items in a day on my meals.
Until now, even when I am home, I still have some stuff that I cannot eat, especially, those things that hard to digest. I have not dare to eat high-fiber fruits and vegetables like brocolli, apple, brussel sprouts and greens.

DEALS: I may have been in the hospital for quite a while with so much pain (I was taking Morphin a lot in the beginning!) but I ALWAYS feel GOD's presence all the time I was there. HE never leave me nor forsake me!

DESTINATIONS: While I was in the hospital, I realized so many things things or I should say, God made me realized things more clearly. I hope that God will lead and use me...

Right now, I am still very weak. Since I had so much STEROIDS (these was the medication to help me for my GVH Disease) for a long period of time, I lost a lot of muscles and muscles strength on my legs. I could hardly walk. I am using a wheelchair for now to go to my appointments at PMH. At home, I use a walker to walk around the house. I don't usually go down and up the stairs. I have an Occupational Therapist who come visit me in the house for my mobility needs. By next week, I will have a Physiotherapist to help and possibly a Home Care to help me on my personal needs. Overall, I am doing better now that I am home. Thanks for all your prayers!

Happy Birthday To ME!!! { Day +163 }

2006-03-13T09:48:00.000-05:00

Last night, I asked Jensine to sleep with me and Daddy. They are the people I want to see first thing in the morning on my birthday. Jerson was already asleep, while me and Jensine could not sleep...

Mommy: One more sleep and it's mommy's birthday...so close your eyes now.
Jensine: I don't want to sleep because it's your birthday.
Mommy: Do you have a gift for mommy?
Jensine: I don't know!
Mommy: You don't know?!
Jensine: Ahm...Oh, I do mommy...HEART (while pointing to his chest) ...LOVE...

I under estimate my own son, I never thought these words would come from a 4-year old boy. I always thought kids love to open presents and that is what "gift" means from them...but not from my son. I could not help it but cry...

I had 3 birthdays as my son remembers it...because we had a family celebration on March 9 at home, then Saturday at lunch time, after church service, I was surprised by my sister-in-law, Ate Nenette and my beloved husband, Jerson, with a huge cake at Mt. Zion. Then Sunday, we had a get-together with the people who mostly stayed with me in the hospital last year when I was first diagnosed. They were in my bedside 24-hours a day, seven days a week. Thanks again to all of you for being there.

Thank you very much!!! Thank God for giving me another year!

March Means Getting Older! { Day +151 }

2006-03-01T21:45:00.000-05:00

Yes! For me, March means another year to add to my age...if God permits. Count down starts today and 8 more sleeps I will turn 29...

If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it.

Happy moments, praise God.

Difficult moments, seek God.

Quiet moments, worship God.

Painful moments, trust God.

Every moment, thank God.

0 mg of Cyclosporine! { Day +150 }

2006-02-28T22:39:00.000-05:00

On my last appointment for check-up, I was told that I can stop my Cyclosporine in a week. And today is first day not taking this medicine. There are lots to expect. On my November 21st post, I mentioned that...

FACTS: Cyclosporine is use to prevent or treat organ rejection and to prevent graft-vs-host disease (GVHD) in transplant patients.

...it feels good to lessen the pills I swallow everyday. Hopefully, it is also good for my body. I mean, hopefully, there will be no rejection or graft-vs-host disease.

9 In all their affliction He was afflicted,

And the Angel of His Presence saved them;

In His love and in His pity He redeemed them;

And He bore them and carried them

All the days of old.

Isaiah 63:9

I do believe that He is still in control...

And He will do it again,

He'll do it again. He will do it again.

If you just take a look

At where you're now

And where you've been.

Hasn't He always come through for you?

He's the same now as then.

You may not know how,

You may not know when,

But He'll do it again.

Down to 25 mg! { Day +145 }

2006-02-23T21:36:00.000-05:00

My appointment went fine. Okay! good rather than just fine. The results are great but it seems that my Liver Functions are going up. Hopefully, on my next appointment, it stays on normal range.

The Cyclosporine I take twice a day is now reduce to 25 mg. If you remember it started at 125 mg. So far so good! God is really good! All the time :)

---February 21st Results---

Blood Pressure
Systolic - 90 (normal range = 90 to 135)
Diastolic - 75 (normal range = 50 to 90)

Complete Blood Count
HGB – 114 (normal range = 120 to 160)
PLT – 228
WBC - 5.2
Neut - 3.6
Mg - 0.71
Creat - 58
CMV - negative

Liver Functions
ALB - Not Available
ALT - 32
ALP - 52
AST - 30
TBili - 4

Legend:
Green: Normal
Yellow: Abnormal
Red: Critical

Next Appointment: March 7th

My Hairs Are Numbered! { Day +141}

2006-02-19T11:19:00.000-05:00

I was asked to give a testimony last Saturday at Mt. Zion Church. Here it goes...

Everyone has their own trials and hardships now and then…but in Philippians 4:13, it says, “I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me”. I want to share with you some pictures that probably very few people have seen. (I showed pictures using powerpoint at church, but I am not brave enough to show the world my hairless head :) maybe next time)

As many of you might remember, I used to have long hair. When I was diagnosed, I decided to cut it short for I knew that I will lose it anyway from the chemotherapy I had to go through.

But the short hair is making a big mess on my bed and the whole room. Wherever I go, it just kept shredding. So I decided to shave it all.

So when I first got home from hospital, I was hairless. As time goes by, my hair started to grow. It was still very short when it was time for me to go back to the hospital for my bone marrow transplant.

Eight days before the transplant, I started chemotherapy again and on the transplant day, I also had whole body radiation. After so many medications, chemotherapy and radiation, I started to lose my hair again, for the second time. But this time, shaving was not needed. Before the nurses had the chance to shave my head, they all fell off. That’s how toxic the chemotherapy I had, before the transplant. The side effects of this chemotherapy were expected to be worse than the previous chemo I had. But then I felt very minor side effects. I remembered when I was still in the hospital, one of the nurses whispered to me that I had the most successful transplant in the floor. Not only that, my first few check-ups, I met a lot of bone marrow transplant patients who could not believed that I just had my transplant. Another person even told me, if not with my hairless head, she wouldn’t say I was sick. But I know my limitations and I know that my energy will not be back the way it was for another year or so.

40 days from now, it will be a year since I was given 2-months to live because of the aggressiveness of my Leukemia. And it’s been 140 days since I had the bone marrow transplant. Here I am in front of you still believed that God is the master plan. Ever since, God is always there for me, making things easier on me and making the bone marrow not to fail. I just know because I believe He is the only God who can make things right. In Luke 18:27 Jesus replied, "What is impossible with men is possible with God."

When I left the hospital, I was taking at least 20 pills a day and it is now down to 10 pills a day. As you can see, my hair is growing back again. No wig or broken hair as Jensine calls it. Definitely, He still knows the numbers of my hairs, doesn’t matter if this is my first or second time my hair will grow. Matthew 10:29-30 (New King James Version) Are not two sparrows sold for a copper coin? And not one of them falls to the ground apart from your Father’s will. But the very hairs of your head are all numbered. It is not important how many times I get sick or how many times I will lose my hair, the Almighty God, the Great Physician, our Father and our Saviour, who holds tomorrow, also holds my hands. My life is in His hands. My ordeal may not be finished yet but there is something I can look forward to…when God takes me by the hand and leads me through the Promise Land.

V Day! { Day +138 }

2006-02-15T21:16:00.000-05:00

The day of hearts had passed...

My beloved husband, Jerson, picked me up after work, so we can eat out. We went to Spring Rolls to have dinner. Jerson had "Bun Sate Ga Lui" (Satay chicken with peanut sauce), Vegetable Spring Rolls and Mango Shake. I enjoyed my Chicken Shanghai Noodles, Vegetable Spring Rolls and Bubble Tea. Ahh, just looking back...this happened last year.

This year, I was at PMH for my check-up and the only person who picked me up was the volunteer driver from Canadian Cancer Society. I was in bed because of my headache.

I had this bad headache again, since Monday night until this morning. And because of that, my doctor told me that he wants to see me in a week. Yeah, in a week. He's a little bit concern about this headache of mine. I guess it's okay... Other than that, counts are okay...

---February 14th Results---

Blood Pressure
Systolic - 150 (normal range = 90 to 135)
Diastolic - 100 (normal range = 50 to 90)

Complete Blood Count
HGB – 114 (normal range = 120 to 160)
PLT – 227
WBC - 4.4
Neut - 3.1
Mg - 0.75
Creat - 70
CMV - negative

Liver Functions
ALB - Not Available
ALT - 28
ALP - 52
AST - 28
TBili - 7

Legend:
Green: Normal
Yellow: Abnormal
Red: Critical

Next Appointment: February 21st

Are You Blessed? { Day +133 }

2006-02-09T10:00:00.000-05:00

Devotional Scripture for today:

16 Be joyful always;

17 pray continually;

18 give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 (New International Version)

How are you this morning? How are you everyday? Are you happy? Are you thankful? Do you continually pray even on your darkest days? Do you feel blessed for everything, for who you are, for the people around you, for everything that's going on with you and your life?

We should...because

My life is in your hands
my heart is in your keeping
I'm never without hope
not when my future is with you
My life is in your hands and though I may not see clearly
I will life my voice and sing,
cause your love does amazing things
Lord, I know my life is in your hands.

As suggested on the Devotional book I am reading, list 10 reasons that you are lucky person or should I say blessed person --- and praise the Lord!

Here I Am... { Day +130 }

2006-02-06T08:55:00.000-05:00

Here I am, Lord.

Is it I, Lord?

I have heard you calling in the night.

I will go, Lord, if you lead me.

I will hold your people in my heart.

I always pray that God will use me, that I can make a difference in the lives of the people around me. Until I got sick, I know God did not give me Leukemia. But I thought God let things happen for a reason and His plans for me is for the best. One day, I thought maybe this is it...He used me to show the people that there is hope with God. That miracles happen if only we believe.

I've heard a lot of people told me how I did inspired them for my faith. And that's very nice to hear that I've made them feel that way. But we all know that it was not just me that I am still alive. Because God can do the impossible things.

I have this e-mail friend, who told me that "
Maybe I'm telling you to take the initiative and tell people you love them and hopefully, they'll do the same thing for you." I guess, he was telling me to do the things that matter, to tell my love ones how much I love them. I hope I did that already. I mean, there are more than a couple of times that I was told I would not make it. And I already realized that if a normal person "
could get run over by a "pison" this afternoon while biking home", I am already walking on the side of a highway. Only God knows. This is not a bad suggestions at all, this is exactly what I said on my previous posting but...

In my mind, there's more than saying I love yous, I want people to know who helped me all through these time. That people see Jesus in me...That His light will shine through me...

I may have not accomplish it yet but I still pray that He will still use me in a way He knows I can...

PHILIPPIANS 4:13
I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me.

The road to success is not straight.

There is a curve called Failure,

a loop called Confusion,
speed bumps called Friends,

red lights called Enemies,

caution lights called Family.

You will have flats called Jobs.

But, if you have a spare called Determination,

an engine called Perseverance,
insurance called Faith,

a driver called Jesus,

you will make it to a place called Success.

I Feel What You Felt... { Day +125 }

2006-02-01T08:53:00.000-05:00

Ten months ago, the doctor said, "95%, I believe you have Leukemia". It was very shocking to hear that news. Little thing I knew about Luekemia, I thought of the worst, my days were counted and that there's nothing else I can do...

I never thought what my husband felt that time nor my sisters, my father, my in-laws. But I know they were sad. How about what my other relatives and friends felt? It didn't occur to my mind what these people felt when they knew about my sickness, until yesterday.

Yesterday, I heard that one of the bone marrow transplant patient who became an acquaintance, will not coming back for check-ups. Waiting for the results of our blood test every Tuesday, I had a good chance to talk to him as well as his wife. This is how I became familiar to this couple. Since my appointment was changed to every other week, there are Tuesdays that I was there but they were not and vice versa. I lost communication to them, in short. Then I heard that he was given 3-6 months to live. The news was upsetting, shocking, devastating, It was so sad.

Now I know how hard it is to know that a friend is not doing well. What more if he/she is the love of your life? It was two different feeling, I know. But there's no exact words to convey.

...yes, I might feel helpless and there's nothing I can do when I was first told about my Leukemia, but God can do anything.

REFLECTIONS: How about you? Have you thought how you should react if you were given months to live? Maybe not just react but have you thought of what things you should be doing. I've asked myself same thing, and I am sure 6 months is not enough for the things I need to do. We know this is something out of the ordinary but I think we should be praying for what our purpose here on earth while we are living. Let's just think, there must be a reason why we are here, what could that be? Or think about the things we could do now...

If I knew it would be the last time I'd see you fall asleep,

I'd tuck you in more tightly, And pray your soul to keep.

If I knew it would be the last time I'd see you walk out the door,

I'd hug you and kiss you--and call you Back for just one more.

If I knew it would be the last time We'd spare a minute or two,

I'd stop and say "I love you," Instead of assuming you know I do.

If I knew it would be the last time I'd be there to share your day,

I wouldn't wait until tomorrow, Letting time with you slip away.

For surely there is a tomorrow To make up for an oversight,

And we'll always get a second chance To make everything all right.

There will always be another chance To say our "I love yous,"

And certainly there's another chance To say our "What I can dos."

But just in case I might be wrong, And today is all I get,

I'd like to say I love you, And hope you never forget.

Tomorrow is not promised to anyone, Young or old alike,

And today might be your last chance To hold your loved one tight.

So if you're waiting for tomorrow, Why not do it all today?

For if tomorrow never comes, You will surely regret the day

You didn't take the extra time For a smile or hug or kiss.

And you surely aren't too busy to grant What may be their last wish.

So hold your loved ones close today, And whisper in their ear;

Tell them how much you love them, And that you'll always hold them dear.

Take the time to say "I'm sorry," "Forgive me," or "It's okay,"

And if tomorrow never comes, You'll have no regrets about today.

(taken from Godswork)

---January 31st Results---

Blood Pressure
Systolic - 125 (normal range = 90 to 135)
Diastolic - 90 (normal range = 50 to 90)

Complete Blood Count
HGB – 112 (normal range = 120 to 160)
PLT – 236
WBC - 5.1
Neut - 3.4
Mg - 0.69
Creat - 68
CMV - negative

Liver Functions
ALB - Not Available
ALT - 29
ALP - 49
AST - 25
TBili - 6

Legend:
Green: Normal
Yellow: Abnormal
Red: Critical

Next Appointment: February 14th

Your Grace and Mercy! { Day +121 }

2006-01-28T23:48:00.000-05:00

Your grace and mercy, brought me through

I'm living this moment because of You

I want to thank You, and praise You too

Your grace and mercy, brought me through

It's been 11 days since my anti-rejection pills were brought down from 125 mg. to 100 mg. And I am fine! I mean I did not feel any different which is good. If I did not mention before, Cyclosporine, my anti-rejection pills, is an immunosuppressants drugs.

FACTS: Immunosuppressive drugs or immunosuppressants are drugs that are used in immunosuppressive therapy to inhibit or prevent activity of the immune system. (Wikipedia)

Since it inhibit or prevent the activity of my immunce system, I am more likely to get bacterial, fungal or viral infections. So I was a little bit concerned when the doctors decreased my dosage for the first time. Will my body recognize the bone marrow and not reject it? Or will my immune system protects me from infections? These were questions I had at the back of my mind. What I forgot was that God has His best plans for me...

Thank You, for saving a sinner like me

To tell the world salvation is free

There were times when I just didnt do right

But You watched over me, all day and night

Tomorrow will also be my 4 months anniversary when my bone marrow was transplanted. From day 0 or transplant day, I still have the risk of not making it, but I know He is watching over me, all day and night...I'm living this moment because of HIM.

The devotional book I am reading, dated January 28 by Morris Venden on "Fitforever", he said "May you find the peace that God offers, regardless of whatever may come your way today." This is my prayer for me and you...

What a Day... { Day +111 }

2006-01-18T22:47:00.000-05:00

This week, Filipino churches at Greater Toronto Area are celebrating week of Revival. At Mt. Zion Church, my kumadre (Mareng Anna Salamanca), Jeimer Gorospe sang with Kuya Jerry Tulod as the guitarist for the Message in Song. They sang "What a Day That Will Be", hearing the song made me cry.

I first heard the song from Kuya Danny Miranda, Kuya Ernie Maminta and Kuya Nonoy Norte with his Harmonica. They came visit me at the hospital and sang me songs of praises to cheer me up. This was the last one they sang and I even asked them to sang it again and again. The message comforted me so much. Although, with tears, this song inspired me when I was lying in hospital bed about 9 months ago.

Given 2-months to live by the doctor last March 29, or less than 50% chance that chemotherapy will work, or high risk of death on the first 7 days, fighting for my life, all these and more. What did I do?, I surrender myself to the One who knows the best, the One who promise a glorious day. My ordeal may not be finished yet but there is something I can look forward to...

What a day that will be when my Jesus I shall see,

And I look upon His face,

The One who saved me by His grace;

When He takes me by the hand

And leads me through the Promised Land,

What a day, glorious day that will be.

...Having faith, believing that God exists helps me go through this difficulty. I am sure believing helps me more than I can imagine :)

What A Day (MP3 file by Lisa Guillermo)

---January 17th Results---

Blood Pressure
Systolic - 135 (normal range = 90 to 135)
Diastolic - 100 (normal range = 50 to 90)

Complete Blood Count
HGB – 108 (normal range = 120 to 160)
PLT – 208
WBC - 4.1
Neut - 2.7 (normal range = 2.0 to 8.0)
Mg - 0.82
Creat - 64
CMV - negative

Liver Functions
ALB - Not Available
ALT - 26
ALP - 44
AST - 26
TBili - 6

Legend:
Green: Normal
Yellow: Abnormal
Red: Critical

Very True, Just Perfect! { Day +100 }

2006-01-07T23:03:00.000-05:00

This morning, I did the Scripture Reading for the church program at Mt.Zion. And it is so good to be back as normal as possible. Well, you know what I mean, before I cannot even go to church now I can even participate to serve God.

Today, I passed another milestone, 100 days after transplant. That is because we have a Compassionate High Priest...

Our Compassionate High Priest

14 Seeing then that we have a great High Priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession. 15 For we do not have a High Priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but was in all points tempted as we are, yet without sin. 16 Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need.

Hebrews 4:14-16 (New King James Version)

This is the Scripture I read this morning. Just perfect for my 100-days and for sure any day I will complete...Next milestone will be sixth month.

So far, so good...{ Day +97 }

2006-01-04T13:31:00.000-05:00

It's been 7 days after my restricted diet. I've been waiting for this because I can have or try again those foods that I have to avoid like mayonaise, ceasar salad dressing, aged cheeses and others. But if you're been away from those things, I found that it's not easy to go back again or just eat them again. Well, maybe I was scared to get sick from it. The only thing I tried after my 90 days strict diet was the ceasar salad dressing. It was okay, but for sure I will do this slowly.

Last Tuesday, I had my regular appointment at PMH. It was also good. I had questions but none of them were to be concerned of. Sample question I had, was the pain on the old bruises I had since last year. Yes, if I do press it I still feel pain. But the doctor said that is unusual. The discoloration may happen but not the pain. So he told me to pay attention if I will have new bruises.

This doctor also suggested that they might be able to lessen the Anti-rejection pill (Cyclosporine) I am taking soon. So hopefully when that happens I will still have no complications. I will let you know when I will start the less dosage and what is the effect on it to me.

---January 3rd Results---

Blood Pressure
Systolic - 125 (normal range = 90 to 135)
Diastolic - 80 (normal range = 50 to 90)

Complete Blood Count
HGB – 103 (normal range = 120 to 160)
PLT – 190
WBC - 5.1
Neut - 3.6 (normal range = 2.0 to 8.0)
Mg - 0.66 (normal range < 0.70)
Creat - 79
CMV - negative

Liver Functions
ALB - Not Available
ALT - 27
ALP - 44
AST - 29
TBili - 5

Legend:
Green: Normal
Yellow: Abnormal
Red: Critical

No More Crying, Mom { Day +94 }

2006-01-01T13:04:00.000-05:00

One Saturday morning, my son, Jensine was crying before we left to go to church. I can't remember now, why. But anyway, everone tried to make him stop but noone was able to make him stop crying. It was those time when I couldn't stay close to him because he had colds or cough. But my mother-in-law said, maybe I should try. So then, I held him in my arms and right then and there, he just stopped, while I was singing to him...

You are my sunshine

My only sunshine

You make me happy

When skies are gray

You'll never know, dear

How much, I love you

Please don't take

My sunshine away.

The song just popped up from my head and seing my son's face seems like he understood the meaning of the song. Since then, this became our family's song. Just last week, he had colds again. My husband, Jerson really get upset when I stay closer to him. I do understand his concern, too. But sometimes, it's really hard to keep away from Jensine. It's surely harder for me and probably for my son, too. I end up crying, I guess, it's just one of those days :) Maybe, I've been missing him so much, although, we are together at home, but it's different when you cannot hold him near you. While I was trying to hide my tears from him, he still noticed and said to me "No more crying, mom". Oooh! That makes me cry harder because of mix feelings, happy, proud of my son and still a little bit of sadness. But it made me feel better inside.

REFLECTIONS: Are we forgetting that there is also a God who promised us to end tears. He's been trying to tell us "no more crying" if we just come to Him and accept Him. When my son told me that phrase, it also reminds me that our God just not tell you to stop crying but also tells us that He can end this tears.

He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away."

Revelation 21:4

Flushing my Central Line { Day +89 }

2005-12-27T09:02:00.000-05:00

Since my appointment now at PMH is once every 2 weeks, I am responsible for my hickman line. This means I have to flushed it once a week to prevent from blocking. I've been doing this at home twice already, December 13th and December 27th...

FACTS: Procedure for Flushing/Locking Your Catheter (PMH)

Get equipment ready: Alcohol wipes, Normal Saline flush, Heparin flush, Gloves
Wash your hands with soap and water.
Put on gloves.
Clean the end of needleless valve cap with an alcohol wipe. Be careful not to touch the end of the needleless valve cap after cleaning. If you should accidentally touch the end of the ccap, the cap must be cleaned again with a new alcohol wipe.
Remove the protective cover from the saline syringe (be careful not to touch the open end of the syringe) and using a twisting motion attach the syringe to the end of the needleless valve cap.
Unclamp the catheter.
Inject the saline, close the clamp.
Clamp the catheter and unscrew syringe and discard.
Remove the protective cover from the saline syringe (be careful not to touch the open end of the syringe) and using a twisting motion attach the syringe to the end of the needleless valve cap.
Unclamp the catheter.
Inject the heparin slowly until 1mL of the solution remains. Begin to close the clamp on the catheter while injecting 0.5 mL of the remaining solution. It is very important to keep pressure on the plunger of the syringe while clamping. This creates a positive pressure lock that will stop the blood from coming back into the catheter once the clamp is closed.
Once the catheter is clamped, remove the syringe. It is best to hold onto the needleless valve cap when removing the syringe so not to accidentally loosen the connection.
Ensure the the needleless valve cap is securely attached to the catheter
Repeat steps 4-12 for other lumens.

This is how I do this. I post this so just in case I will lost my copy on how to flush my line, I can always come to my site and read it.

SteroidLESS { Day +85 }

2005-12-23T09:04:00.000-05:00

Yippee! Hooray! Whohoo! It's been 3 days now that I am SteroidLESS!

I saw the difference in my appetite and my energy level, big difference...but I don't think this means I will lose the 10 kilos I gain for the past 2 months I was taking them. Hopefully, I will not gain anymore!

At least, I don't wake up in the middle of the night just to eat. I don't feel hungry all the time. But I don't have much appetite that I sometimes forget to eat or sometimes I felt sick because I was so hungry to death. Now, I really have to look at the clock or schedule my eating.

The distance I used to walk for my exercise, I cannot do anymore. I use cane if ever I will walk far and I walk very slow like an old lady. I also felt pain on my knees when I walk that far, well, I should say about a 10 minute walk distance.

Anyway, there is nothing better than being SteroidLESS or should I say SteroidFREE. I heard that taking this for a longer period of time have bigger damages or side effects. But I wouldn't say I will not take this again. I know that if other complications comes, I will have to take them again. So, I guess this is just a break, and hoping it will be a long one.

"Be strong and of good courage, do not fear nor be afraid of them; for the Lord your God, He is the One who goes with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you."

Deuteronomy 31:6, NKJV

Bad Headache { Day +83 }

2005-12-21T10:55:00.000-05:00

I have this headache that won't go away! I thought I would need an ambulance to go to PMH and not my regular routine of using the volunteer drivers of Canadian Cancer Society. But I did manage to go to my appointment as usual. I took Tylenol before I left. But it did not really help much.

I mentioned this headache to my doctor, but no Catscan (CT Scan) needed. I am ready to have this procedure if he ordered but he said it won't be necessary. Hopefully, it was just a regular headache.

FACTS: Computed tomography (CT), originally known as computed axial tomography (CAT) and body section roentgenography, is a medical imaging method employing tomography where digital processing is used to generate a three-dimensional image of the internals of an object from a large series of two-dimensional X-ray images taken around a single axis of rotation. The word "tomography" is derived from the Greek tomos (slice) and graphia (describing). (Wikepedia)

Same as other Tuesdays, I will have to wait until 3 p.m. for the CMV results. But today, I got my result at 3:45 p.m. Quite a long day for me with this kind of headache!

Blood Pressure
Systolic - 130 (normal range = 90 to 135)
Diastolic - 80 (normal range = 50 to 90)

Complete Blood Count
HGB – 104 (normal range = 120 to 160)
PLT – 197
WBC - 4.5
Neut - 3.1 (normal range = 2.0 to 8.0)
Mg - 0.73
Creat - 109 (normal range > 100)
CMV - negative

Liver Functions
ALB - Not Available
ALT - 27
ALP - 43
AST - 27
TBili - 8

Legend:
Green: Normal
Yellow: Abnormal
Red: Critical

9 More Days { Day +81 }

2005-12-19T09:04:00.000-05:00

12 more days before New Year! and 9 more days for the day I've been waiting for...

This is the season of getting together, dinner, or lunch with friends and families. For others, this is the season of expanding :) not just because of the winter weather were people are lazy to go out because of cold weather; it's because of eating out, eating here and there with friends, co-workers and families.

Last Sunday, I had families come over to our place for Jensine's 4th Birthday. Yesterday afternoon, a very good friend of ours got married and Jensine was the Bible Bearer in the Wedding Party. And after that, we had our "Barkada's Annual Christmas Party". I know, I am not supposed to be with large crowds and eating out, catering, and potluck foods.

For Jensine's Birthday, we did the cooking. For the wedding, not really good to publicize, but I did not eat at the Wedding Reception. But I am sure their food were very good. Hmmm, I really wish I could try them all. Well, I had salad and bread which I think I could eat. And this couple are special friends of ours, so I just thought I have to be there on their wedding day even with large crowd. Aside from the reason that Jensine was going to walk on the aisle to bring the Bible for the Wedding Ceremony. BTW, he did a good job on his part. I will post some pictures and even a video next time. And I think I did my part of avoiding people who I know are sick.

For our annual Christmas Party, we did potluck. Yes, I should avoid potlucks, too. But this long-time friends of ours knew my condition and really takes good care of me, nobody bought or ordered food to bring. They brought to my place home-cooked meals and they made sure they were prepared properly and cooked well. Aren't they so sweet?

I don't think, this is it...I am sure there will be more get togethers to attend to, more dinner at a friends' place or my place. But I will have 9 more days of strick diet...and will stick to that. If you remember, my dietitian gave me 90 days to follow the Guide to Safety Eating and other food restrictions. I am almost there!!! And I have very good friends who planned something already, yes, eat out! To have a dinner after this 90 days of what, should I say "ordeal"? Hi!hi!hi! I know that all these are for my own good. That's why I am trying to follow them as much as I can. And I should say, my friends and families are also trying their best to make it easier on me and everyone else. Again, thank you for all your support, love and care!!!

Under the Weather! { Day +75 }

2005-12-13T09:38:00.000-05:00

I know! I know! I said, I will post more often on this blog...but here I am again...but I do really have an excuse for not doing so. Here's what happened...lately, I've been feeling weak for reason I am not sure of. It started Wednesday night and almost night after night my body was aching. I hardly can get up by myself; I need Jerson to help me to get up. We checked my blood pressure, although, it was a little bit high, I don't think it was the reason. We also checked my temperature and it was perfectly normal. Then, I realized, it could be the steroid I am taking. This is just my theory. When I started taking steroid at higher dosage, I was full of energy. Every time I have my appointment, they lessen the dosage and I am only taking 10 mg/day and starting tomorrow, I will be taking 5 mg/day. So I thought, since I am taking less now, my energy level is not that high anymore, that I can get tired easily. But this is normal for a transplant patient, it was expected. Some even think that you will be back to your own self energy after a year. But I still believe that it depends on the transplant patient. I met other transplant patients that are back to their work after six months or less. I just have to start to learn how to conserve my own energy so I won't be so tired nor feel very weak at the end of the day. But this is just my speculation...maybe the weakness I felt last week was something else.

BTW, I am home today! Tuesday! This will be my first Tuesday at home since I got out of hospital last October...Tuesdays was my regular appointments at PMH. It's still on Tuesdays but every other Tuesdays. Yes, my check up is now every other week. But of course, if I will have any serious problem they will want to see me right away...

Survive! Revive! { Day +69 }

2005-12-07T08:50:00.000-05:00

November 29th, I had my first Bone Marrow Test after the Transplant. This will determine if they will find cancer cells developing again in my bone marrow. Yesterday, December 6th, I got the result of the test...

"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven: a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain, a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace."

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8, NIV.

...God is good! All the time! There are no cancer cells "that they can see" from the test they did, even on my blood test results. I just recently found out that from the blood test itself, under "Blast", I can tell if there are new cells developing. In my chart report received from the hospital, twice shown that my "Blast" were 0.00 on October 20th and November 1st...first bone marrow test...SURVIVE!

FACTS: Myeloblasts or blasts are new, immature blood cells developed in the bone marrow that are the precursors of myelocytes (Wikipedia)

I did couple of changes on this blog...I am back to blogging again...I will restart posting on this blog more often...I believe it helps me restore both physical and spiritual sickness...REVIVE!

Blood Pressure
Systolic - 125 (normal range = 90 to 135)
Diastolic - 95 (normal range = 50 to 90)

Complete Blood Count
HGB – 109 (normal range = 120 to 160)
PLT – 168
WBC - 11
Neut - 9.3 (normal range = 2.0 to 8.0)
Mg - 0.70
Creat - 98

Liver Functions
ALB - Not Available
ALT - 26
ALP - 47
AST - 20
TBili - 8

Legend:
Green: Normal
Yellow: Abnormal
Red: Critical

CMV... { Day + 63 }

2005-12-01T21:54:00.000-05:00

...or Cytomegalovirus. Every Tuesday, when blood is drawn from my line to test my CBC and Liver Functions, they also test if I am positive/negative for this virus. This is the reason why I keep waiting until afternoon at the hospital. Usually, the blood test was taken in the morning and the test result comes out at around 3 P.M. Last Tuesday, it actually came out at 4 o'clock! Yes, I was there in the hospital almost the whole day, every Tuesday. But it's worth waiting to know that I am still negative with this virus. Although, I was determined that I had CMV infection already, sometime in my life and my donor was positive with it, too. I heard that 85% - 90% of population were infected of this virus.

FACTS: Cytomegalovirus, or CMV, is found universally throughout all geographic locations and socioeconomic groups. Once a person becomes infected, the virus remains alive, but usually latent within that person's body for life. Recurrent disease rarely occurs unless the person's immune system is suppressed due to therapeutic drugs or disease. Therefore, for the vast majority of people, CMV infection is not a serious problem. (Wikipedia)

There is a high risk of infection for people who are transplant recipients like me! So it is very critical that I will be tested every week.

FACTS: Infection with CMV is a major cause of disease and death in immunocompromised patients, including organ transplant recipients, patients undergoing hemodialysis, patients with cancer, patients receiving immunosuppressive drugs, and HIV-infected patients. (Wikipedia)

For my other test results, my CBC and Liver Functions were okay! Although, my blood pressure did not go down from last week, the doctors still decided not to give me medication for hypertension. But they did lower the dosage of my Prednisone (steroid) to 20 mg. About my weight...he!he!he!...we can skip this one...he!he!he!...I am still gaining weight by the kilos/week not pounds :( But overall, I feel I am getting better each day... Thanks be to God!

REFLECTIONS:

"I pray that you may enjoy good health and that all may go well with you."

3 John 2, NIV

Complete Blood Count
HGB – 113 (normal range = 120 to 160)
PLT – 166
WBC - 11.5
Neut - 9.9 (normal range = 2.0 to 8.0)
Mg - 0.88
Creat - 97

Liver Functions
ALB - Not Available
ALT - 29
ALP - 56
AST - 23
TBili - 9

Legend:
Green: Normal
Yellow: Abnormal
Red: Critical

Hypertension! { Day +54 }

2005-11-22T09:24:00.000-05:00

My blood pressure is going up!!! This is also one of the side effects of all the medications I am taking. On November 22nd, my BP was 140/100 mmHg. It was just a little bit over than normal. So the doctor said that they will monitor it, if my Blood Pressure next week still goes up, they will put me on another medication :(

FACTS: Blood pressure is the pressure exerted by the blood on the walls of the blood vessels. The peak pressure in the arteries during the cardiac cycle is the systolic pressure, and the lowest pressure (at the resting phase of the cardiac cycle) is the diastolic pressure. Values are usually given in millimetres of mercury (mmHg). Normal ranges for blood pressure in adult humans are: (taken from Wikipedia)

Systolic between 90 and 135 mmHg
Diastolic between 50 and 90 mmHg

Complete Blood Count
HGB – 109 (normal range = 120 to 160)
PLT – 167
WBC - 11.9
Neut - 10 (normal range = 2.0 to 8.0)
Mg - 0.77
Creat - 88

Liver Functions
ALB - Not Available
ALT - 34
ALP - 54
AST - 25
TBili - 6

Legend:
Green: Normal
Yellow: Abnormal
Red: Critical

Hairy! { Day + 53 }

2005-11-21T08:01:00.000-05:00

One of the less common side effects of Cyclosporine, anti-rejection drug, is increase in hair growth on the face and forearms especially in women. Having said that, I am starting to have light hair in my face. If you will take a good look at it, I'm growing beard and mustache :( But this is temporary, once I am off with this drug, I don't have to shave like my hubby :) There was also an increase hair growth on my eyebrows. It's funny how I am growing these hair but not on my head...he!he!he!

FACTS: Cyclosporine is use to prevent or treat organ rejection and to prevent graft-vs-host disease (GVHD) in transplant patients.

Complete Blood Count
HGB – 112 (normal range = 120 to 160)
PLT – 159
WBC - 15.8
Neut - 13.3 (normal range = 2.0 to 8.0)
Mg - 0.71
Creat - 94

Liver Functions
ALB - Not Available
ALT - 42 (normal range = less than or equal 39)
ALP - 65
AST - 24
TBili - 6

Legend:
Green: Normal
Yellow: Abnormal
Red: Critical

STIRoids { Day +45 }

2005-11-13T08:29:00.000-05:00

When I was discharged from the hospital, October 21st, doctors prescribed me steroids for my liver was acting up. At first, I was ashamed to let people know that I am taking it. But now, I guess its okay, because I have a good news…they lowered the dosage last November 8th. In the beginning, I was taking 65 mg per day, since my liver functions are going down to normal range, they lowered it to 50 mg. Not much difference, but I am sure happy to take less…The effect of steroid was mind-blowing…I gained 2.4 kilos in a week…yes…2.4 kilos…I eat so much since I started this medication. I always eat full breakfast, lunch and dinner, plus, in between meals. I just have to crunch and munch on something. It even wakes me up in the middle of night, guess for what, heheheh…yes, to eat again. I just could not stop it. But I tried to eat healthy now, meaning more fruits and vegetables instead of anything I can grab at home. There are other side effects this can give but this is the only way to help not my liver to be damaged. Hopefully, I won’t be taking this long and I will have less and less dosage as days pass…with it's short and long term side effects and troubles of taking steroids, sometimes I wondered it should spell as STIR-oids rather than S-T-E-R-O-I-D-S!

FACTS: Prednisone is the medication I am taking. According to Hamilton Regional Cancer Centre- Patient Education Committee, in co-operation with the staff and patients at HRCC and other Cancer Centers, here are the side effects of taking this Drug.

Common Side Effects

Increased risk of infection
Mood changes
Fluid retention
Weight gain
Weakness, decrease in muscle size

Less Common Side Effects

Vision changes
Frequent urination
Increased thirst
Stomach upset

Mostly, these side effects are only happening while you are taking this medication. The only problem I am encountering right now are the "weight gain", "frequent urination", and "increased thirst". But my doctor assured me that when I stop this medication I will go back to my original size :)

BTW, Auntie Prelly Celestial, gave me a “wig” before, I wore them couple of times last summer. This week, I decided to wear them again when I went to my clinic appointment…I was surely glad I did, because I realized how important it was for Jensine to have my hair back. He told me, he was happy and jumping because I have my hair. I should wear it more often if this will make my son happy. Thanks again, Auntie Prelly!!!

REFLECTIONS: I am meeting a lot of people on my clinic appointments at PMH who has similar diagnosis as mine and have had their Bone Marrow transplanted up to 6 years ago. They are doing pretty good aside from some complications that doctors expected could happen now and then. This reminds me of a qoute from "Touched By an Angel", "God promises it won't be easy but it's worth it".

Ask, Seek, Knock (Matthew 7:7-11)
7"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.

8For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.
9"Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone?

10Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake?

11If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!

12So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.

Complete Blood Count
HGB – 108 (normal range = 120 to 160)
PLT – 167
WBC – 20.9
Neut - 17.5 (normal range = 2.0 to 8.0)
Mg - 0.88
Creat - 89

Liver Functions
ALB - Not Available
ALT - 92 (normal range = less than or equal 39)
ALP - 66
AST - 39 (normal range = less than or equal 35)
TBili - 5

Legend:
Green: Normal
Yellow: Abnormal
Red: Critical

Once a Week! { Day +35 }

2005-11-03T10:59:00.000-05:00

This week is my second week after discharged from the hospital. The first week, my appointment was twice a week. Now, they change it to once a week!!! I guess that's pretty amazing...The doctor said "why not?, we don't have to see you twice a week since you look great" I asked him about the GVHD and he said that it will come, maybe later but it will...as they changed the dosages of my medications. So for now, my appointment will be once a week and no changes on my medications. But of course, if I will feel sick, I can call them anytime.

I also sent a request at Jensine's school to let me know if he will be exposed to communicable diseases like chicken pox and measles, and of course flu and colds. The school is very nice that they are looking into this...I already got a call from them telling me that in the afternoon class there's a kid with chicken pox...at least not in Jensine's class yet...I just want to thank them for their cooperation on this matter. Thanks to Greenholme Junior Middle School!!!

Complete Blood Count
HGB – 113 (normal range = 120 to 160)
PLT – 133
WBC – 16.1
Neut - 13.7 (normal range = 2.0 to 8.0)
Mg - 0.79
Creat - 93

Liver Functions
ALB - Not Available
ALT - 198 (normal range = less than or equal 39)
ALP - 66
AST - 61 (normal range = less than or equal 35)
TBili - 6

Legend:
Green: Normal
Yellow: Abnormal
Red: Critical

Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.

James 1:12

A Week at Home { Day +29 }

2005-10-28T15:45:00.000-04:00

Seven days after I was discharged from the hospital, exactly a week, I've been home with my family!!!

I had my appointment this morning, and it went well...no change on the dosage of all medication I am taking...but there's another value on my blood test that went up but nothing to worry about. I just have to drink more... I think this has something to do with my kidneys...

FACTS: Creatinine or Creat is a breakdown product of creatine phosphate in muscle, and is usually produced at a fairly constant rate by the body (depending on muscle mass). (Check this site for more info)

About the Liver enzymes, AST and ALT went down a little bit...hopefully, it won't go up anymore...

Complete Blood Count
HGB – 112 (normal range = 120 to 160)
PLT – 158
WBC – 12.6
Neut - 10.5 (normal range = 2.0 to 8.0)
Mg - 0.77
Creat - 118 (normal range = less than or equal 100)

Liver Functions
ALB - Not Available
ALT - 271 (normal range = less than or equal 39)
ALP - 62
AST - 90 (normal range = less than or equal 35)
TBili - 6

Legend:
Green: Normal
Yellow: Abnormal
Red: Critical

"The LORD is like a father to his children, tender and compassionate to those who fear him...For he understands how weak we are; he knows we are only dust." Psalms 103:13-14, NLT

First Clinic Appointment after BMT { Day +26 }

2005-10-26T10:53:00.000-04:00

Harold, the volunteer driver from Candian Cancer Society, picked me up from home early in the morning for my first clinic appointment. Tuesdays and Fridays Clinic are dedicated for Bone Marrow Transplant Patients. I managed to talk to few people who had their Bone Marrow Transplants 3 months ago, 18 months ago, 3 years ago and heard the other guy had his transplant 10 years ago?!...where I also learned that BMT are not only for patients with Leukemia. I met people with Multiple Myelomia, AML (Leukemia) and others. Some of them had their own marrow transplant, related transplant (full or partial match), unrelated transplant and identical transplant.

FACTS: Types of BMT

In autologous transplants, patients receive their own stem cells.
In syngeneic transplants, patients receive stem cells from their identical twin.
In allogeneic transplants, patients receive stem cells from their brother, sister, or parent. A person who is not related to the patient (an unrelated donor) also may be used.

REFLECTIONS: Some of them could not believe I just had mine less than a month ago. They said I looked great for a transplant patients :) I even saw the nurses who took care of me while I was in the hospital and they were very happy to see me. But still, it's early to say, for other complications does not show until later time. Like my Liver Enzymes, they are still going up but I am already on medication for that.

"Worship the Lord your God, and his blessing will be on your food and water. I will take away sickness from among you."Exodus 23:25, NIV.

Complete Blood Count
HGB – 115 (normal range = 120 to 160)
PLT – 220
WBC – 10.2
Neut - 8.6 (normal range = 2.0 to 8.0)
Mg - 0.85

Liver Functions
ALB - 43
ALT - 296 (normal range = less than or equal 39)
ALP - 62
AST - 118 (normal range = less than or equal 35)
TBili - 8

Legend:
Green: Normal
Yellow: Abnormal
Red: Critical

Weekend at Home { Days +23 and +24 }

2005-10-23T22:57:00.000-04:00

Oh, you probably can imagine how I felt these first 2 days at home...can't even describe!

Saturday, I just stayed home with my sister Irma, while Jerson and the rest of the family went to church. But before that, we realized that one of my medication is missing. So we have to call PMH doctor to get me a prescription to the nearest Pharmacy where I live. That's okay now, we managed to get it and I took it right away.

Sunday, same thing, just stayed home. At this time, it is better and safer for me to stay home. I am still in critical condition, especially the first 100 days after transplant.

I will have regular check ups every Tuesdays and Fridays. Only then, I can update you of my Complete Blood Counts and Liver Functions.

Weekend went well, although I felt abdominal pain Friday night, I reported it to my doctor, he said to watch if it will happen again...so far it didn't.

Most important was that my son, Jensine was very happy. He have a bit of runny nose and cough, but he knows that he can't stay close to me. He even ask first if he can smell me or touch me or my dress. You can tell how much he misses me. And hearing my own child again praying for me...incredible! He prayed that I will have my hair back soon to shoulder length :) He also prayed that I will get better soon and stay with him, his dad and the whole family. He also prayed for me to be healthy, strong and big :) (He even asked if big crosswise or lengthwise!)

REFLECTIONS: God is always good to His people. I believe that all your prayers are working...let's continue to pray for each other...

"And He healed every kind of sickness and disease." Matthew 4:23, TLB.

Home Sweet Home { Day +22 }

2005-10-21T18:17:00.000-04:00

Speechless :)

My liver functions (AST and ALT) went up again today but the doctors think it's still okay to go home. They gave me additional prescriptions for that.

I am home with all of my medications and will have my regular appointments twice a week. If needed, I might still need to stay in the hospital if other signs of GVHD occur.

Thank God and thank you for all your prayers. Please continue to pray... for me and my family.

Busy Day! { Day +21 }

2005-10-20T22:27:00.000-04:00

It was a busy day for a person like me, who is bound within the walls of PMH.

First, I had the IV nurse for blood test taken from my arm in the morning. This has been going on every Mondays and Thursdays after the transplant to test the level of my "anti-rejection" drugs in my blood. Yeah!, and that reminds me of the anti-rejection pills. Woooh! they stink like skunk. No kidding! Let me know if you want to try to smell it, to believe :) I am taking 2 in capsule form, one small and the other one is humongous! Over statement? I can always show you if you can handle the smell :)

Then, my nurse came for my usual morning vitals. After that, my lady doctor came to check up on me with all these news. Both of these are done in daily basis.

I was also visited by the dietitian to follow up on my eating habbits when I go home (*hint*) She wants to make sure if I know my food restrictions and the guide for safety eating for post-transplant patients. This has to be followed for 90 days.

Btw, since I experienced something weird with my vision this morning, they ordered for me to do an MRI test at 2 p.m.

FACTS: Magnetic resonance imaging (MRI) - also called magnetic resonance tomography (MRT) - is a method of creating images of the inside of opaque organs in living organisms as well as detecting the amount of bound water in geological structures.

I am not a claustrophobic person but I was pretty shaken up before I entered that tubular hole. Hey, that was my first time and not sure what will happen while inside that machine. But after couple of scans, I was fine. I didn't even use the "ativan" that I asked my doctor to give me before the test. It was about 3:30 when I got back to my room.

My AST and ALT went up again...but then nothing to worry about at this point, still under observation. But, a big but, if this went up really high tomorrow, I won't be able to go home on Friday...that's okay, if it's better for me to stay...I don't want to take a chance.

With my Magnesium less than normal, they gave me more to boost my Magnesium. They were given to me in tablet form and IV. Yes, I had my "bestfriend" pole to tag along with me this afternoon until before bedtime.

CBC
HGB – 113
PLT – 169
WBC – 3.6
Mg - 0.62

Liver Functions
ALB - was not able to get today's range
ALT - 89
ALP - 62
AST - 57
TBili - 8

Callers
Jerson
Tatay
Dete Amor
Ate Nenette
Auntie Josie Camato
Ate Judy Gamez
Catherine Herrera-De Leon
Ate Nancy
Kuya Manolo
Ina and Ama

Visitor
Ate Irma
Ate Emmie and Kuya Bong Buning
Jerson

Prrrt! Stop! { Day +20 }

2005-10-19T20:10:00.000-04:00

This morning, some of my liver enzyme levels got off the wall...too excited to go home? :) The doctors does not have to do anything yet, but to monitor. Too early to say if I will or will not be able to go home.

FACTS: (taken from Wikipedia)

Albumin (Alb) is a protein made specifically by the liver
Alanine transaminase (ALT), also called Serum Glutamic Pyruvic Transaminase (SGPT) or Alanine aminotransferrase (ALAT) is an enzyme present in liver cells. When a cell is damaged, it leaks this enzyme into the blood, where it is measured. ALT rises dramatically in acute liver damage.
Alkaline phosphatase (ALP) is an enzyme in the cells lining the biliary ducts of the liver.
Aspartate transaminase (AST) also called Serum Glutamic Oxaloacetic Transaminase (SGOT) or aspartate aminotransferase (ASAT) is similar to ALT in that it is another enzyme associated with liver parenchymal cells. It is raised in acute liver damage.
Total bilirubin (TBIL) is a breakdown product of heme (a part of hemoglobin in red blood cells). The liver is responsible for clearing this, excreting it out through bile into the instestine. Problems with the liver or blockage of the drainage of bile will cause increased levels of bilirubin, as will increased haemolysis of red cells.

Normal Range according to PMH
ALB - 38 to 50
ALT - less than or equal 39
ALP - less than or equal 109
AST - less than or equal 35
TBili - less than or equal 22

My range this morning
ALB - 39
ALT - 46
ALP - 66
AST - 41
TBili - 7

My ALT and AST went up. Two days ago, they were 28 and 27, respectively. Well, we just have to wait in the morning after my blood tests. I just hope and pray that they will go back to normal so that my liver won't be damaged.

Jesus beheld them, and said unto them, With men this is impossible; but with God all things are possible. Matt. 19:26

CBC
HGB – 105
PLT – 140
WBC – 3.0
Neut – 1.7

Callers
Jerson
Ate Irma
Tatay
Dete Amor
Ate Nenette
Tuni Idiculla
Karly Rodriguez-Lee
Ate Nancy
Ina and Ama

Visitor
Jerson

Edit:
FACTS: Liver function tests (LFTs or LFs), are groups of clinical biochemistry laboratory blood assays designed to give a doctor or other health professional information about the state of a patient's liver.

"You Might Be Able to Go Home on Thursday!" { Day +19 }

2005-10-18T20:57:00.000-04:00

Again, my doctor said this morning, "You might be able to go home on Thursday". Because I could not believe it, I told him "No way!"...hahahhaha...funny...we just both laugh in the end. Well, yeah, that's my good news today. Although, it is not definite yet that I can go home on Thursday.

First, I have to learn to eat and drink again...As you know, my eating was not great, my stomach shrinked and I depended on the food they supplied intravenously. As well as my drinking, I have to learn or get used to drink 3L of water a day, actually, that includes soups, juices, and even ice cream.

Then they will monitor if I can take my "anti-rejection" pills and other medication by mouth and keep it in my stomach.

This morning they also took all the lines connected to my hickman line, no more IV poles, lines and cords. I am free to walk and run if I could :)

REFLECTIONS: Truly, God is good...all the time. The nurses have told me they were talking about my recovery for they were so happy about it. I know all those times, God is helping. With all your prayers, He made this one easy on me. Let's keep praying to Him, who hears our prayers.

"And because You answer prayer, all mankind will come to You with their requests." Psalm 65:2, TLB.

CBC
HGB – 103
PLT – 116
WBC – 5.0
Neut – 1.9

Callers
Jerson
Ina
Auntie Jean Dela Roca
Cathy Herrera-De Leon
Adi
Ate Nancy
Dete Amor
Ate Nenette

Visitor
Ate Irma
Jerson
Rob
Adi

Not off the hook yet! { Day +18 }

2005-10-17T22:50:00.000-04:00

Other complications that I forgot to mention on my previous postings (Rejection and Complications) are the injuries to liver, lungs and heart. These organs are susceptible to be damaged because of high dosage of chemotherapy and radiation.

FACTS: VOD or Veno-occlusive disease is a disorder of the liver in which blood vessels become blocked and swollen.

FACTS: Interstitial Pneumonia is a form of pneumonia found within the lung tissues, caused by chemotherapy, radiation or infectious agents suc as viruses

They said there is no definite time frame in which one can expect certain side effects to occur. There are also other long-term side effects after transplant, this may include secondary malignancies, fatigue, recurrent infections, tight skin and stiff joints.

In my Day +5 posting, I mentioned an acquaintance named Susan who visited me. I also mentioned that her older sister has AML and had the Bone Marrow transplant last June. I just found out, she passed away last week, four months after transplant. My deepest condolences to her family. My prayers are with you at this difficult time.

REFLECTIONS: I was sad but not worried...my life is not in my hands anymore, I gave it up to Him, for He knows what is best for me and my family. Trust His Heart is a favorite song of mine and helps me to remember that...

God is too wise to be mistaken.

God is too good to be unkind.

So when you don't understand,

When you don't see His plan,

When you can't trace His hand,

Trust His heart.

"You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trust in You." Isaiah 26:3, NIV.

CBC
HGB – 116
PLT – 102
WBC – 3.2
Neut – 1.9

Callers
Jerson
Ate Nenette
Ate Nancy
Ina
Dete Amor
Tatay

Visitor
Ate Irma
Jerson

Discharge Booklet! { Day +17 }

2005-10-16T20:10:00.000-04:00

Yap, you read it right! Believe it…the nurse went to see me to talk about the Discharge Booklet…not that I can go home tomorrow, maybe soon... Another thing happened this morning, they released me from “Isolation”…I could get out of my room. Yeheey! But I can’t go far, just within the walls of 14B floor. That’s still good news. If you notice, my counts are getting better, too. They will just have to wait until they become stable, since they might still fluctuate anytime.

CBC
HGB – 107
PLT – 121
WBC – 2.6
Neut – 1.5

Callers
Jerson
Kuya Manolo
Ate Nenette
Ate Nancy
Ina

Visitor
Jerson

Neutropenic, not anymore! { Day +16 }

2005-10-15T22:53:00.000-04:00

Because my counts are still going up! and my Neutrophils is not 0.0 anymore...

FACTS: Neutropenia is a condition that is caused by one having a low white blood cell count. A patient who is neutropenic (i.e. those having organ transplants, high dose chemotherapy, or have suppressed immune systems) are more likely to develop an infection. (JHBMC)

CBC
HGB – 110
PLT – 82
WBC – 1.8
Neut – 1.3

Callers
Jerson
Kuya Manolo
Dete Amor
Ate Nenette
Ate Nancy
Jensine

{ Day +15 }

2005-10-14T21:33:00.000-04:00

Today, I was in the mood to eat. Jerson brought me home meal that my sister Irma cooked, "Adobo" (Adobo is considered the national dish of the Philippines. This dish consists of chunks of chicken cooked in soy sauce, vinegar, bay leaf, lots of garlic and whole peppercorns.) Too excited, I guess, I ate more than enough...sadly, the next thing I know, I was so nauseous and you know what happened next...

CBC
HGB – 109
PLT – 75
WBC – 1.0

Callers
Jerson
Kuya Manolo
Ate Irma
Ate Nenette
Ate Nancy

Visitor
Jerson

Working { Day +14 }

2005-10-13T22:51:00.000-04:00

No, not me…but the transplanted bone marrows are! Did you notice my counts, especially, the Platelets, White Blood Cells and Nuetrophils are starting to go up or say increase in number? Doctors said this is a sign that the bone marrows are starting to engraft, even though, my Hemoglobin is low that I needed 2 bags of blood. Anyways, it seems that HGB is the last blood to go up base on my observation frim my past chemotherapy. I guess my sister is healthy after all :) Thanks, sis…

CBC
HGB – 78
PLT – 47
WBC – 0.5
Neut – 0.2

Callers
Jerson
Kuya Manolo
Ate Nenette
Ate Nancy
Dete Amor
Ate Tina Ninalga

Visitors
Ate Irma
Kuya Manolo

Milestones { Day +13 }

2005-10-12T23:28:00.000-04:00

My doctor visit me this morning, well, they actually visit me everyday. But this morning, I had the chance to chat with her. I asked if the worst is over…yet…she said I have to look at things as milestones…

Day +11 (hey…I am on Day +13, I passed my first milestone)
First 100 days after transplant
Six months
1 Year
2 Years
3 Years
4 Years
5 Years

One day, I might be in very good shape, I don't know ,only God knows...I Know Who Holds Tomorrow (Please click on the link to hear and view the lyrics)

CBC
HGB – 85
PLT – 24
WBC – 0.3
Neut – 0.1

Callers
Jerson
Kuya Manolo
Ate Nenette
Ate Nancy
Dete Amor
Josephine dela Rosa

Visitors
Ate Irma
Dete Amor
Adi
Rob

Amaze { Day +12 }

2005-10-11T23:18:00.000-04:00

My nurses and doctors are amaze about the result of my post transplant, so far. If you remember the chemotherapy I took for Days +1, +3, +6 and +11, they told me not everyone are able to take all the dosage. Some can only tolerate up to third dose, some only took two doses and some even only take 1 dose. Not only that, the side effects of these chemotherapy are expected to be worse, but then I felt nothing, not that I did not feel anything at all. But I had very minor side effects. Who knows how toxic those chemotherapy but they are very necessary to fight the Graft Versus Host Disease in the future. Since I took all of them, they, my doctors, are hoping other complications will be easy on me…Didn’t I tell you we have an AMAZING GOD?

Callers
Jerson
Kuya Manolo
Ate Nenette
Ate Nancy
Dete Amor
Karly

Visitors
Adi
Rob

Happy Thanksgiving { Day +11 }

2005-10-10T10:48:00.000-04:00

Every 2nd Monday of October, Thanksgiving is celebrated here in Canada…As you know I have so much to thank for to many…as in…many…I better start, now.

I thank my sister Amor for giving me her bone marrow, to add more happy days in my life…and
all my family for being supportive, all of them.
My friends who visit me in the hospital, in the house, for giving the time and making sure I am always in happy moods.
Friends and families who send me email, notes, cards and messages.
Friends and families who take care of me when I was in the hospital.
Friends and families who bring gifts, books, flowers, food and etc.
Friends and families who never forget to give me a call, doesn't matter where they were in the world.
Friends and families who started and contributed and still contributing in the fund raising opened for me by group of friends.
Friends and families who day and night hope and prays for me to get well.
My son and husband for their love and the strength they showed me to fight this disease.
Our Almighty God for everything...I once said...this trial will not be complete, this hardship will not be easy and this life will not be sweet without you and you and You...

I hope I did not forget anyone on this posting, but I thank you all everyday not just today...

CBC
HGB – 86
PLT – 16
WBC – 0.3
Neut – 0.0

Callers
Jerson
Kuya Manolo
Ate Nenette
Tatay
Ate Nancy

Hair Loss { Day +10 }

2005-10-09T10:38:00.000-04:00

Did I mention I am starting to loose my hair again?…well, yeah…not that I have a shoulder-length hair now…but yap their shredding again. I told Jensine about it and he said “Why the doctors have to cut them again?” What an innocent reaction? Here’s more, “Don’t worry, mommy, you have your hair here at home, what is it called again?” And I replied “wig”. We talked on the phone while looking at the webcam. We could have used the Call from Yahoo Messenger but since my internet connection here is dial-up, the quality is not that good. I’ll settle with what we have as long as I see my child and he sees me.

CBC
HGB – 94
PLT – 31
WBC – 0.1
Neut – 0.0

Visitors
Jerson

New Neighbor { Day +9 }

2005-10-08T22:37:00.000-04:00

My sleep was still not good…even with the talking that me and Ate Nenette did the whole day, hoping it would make me very tired, so I can sleep at night…I had to ask for sleeping pills. In that way I could rest for a while and not be bothered by this tummy pain again.

I got a new neighbor too…well; I hope I don’t sound happy to have a Filipino neighbor in this place. This means she’s sick like I am. This means a lot…pain, family, love, kids…It reminds me when I was first diagnosed. And I never even wished or think, it would happen to any of my friends or family again or simply anyone I know… Ate Nenette tried to visit the new neighbor. Her room is always busy with friends and family. I wanted to visit her too…obviously, I am still bound in this room for I think another 10 days…I’ve been thinking too, what to tell or give her. But I honestly have nothing to give her, but I can tell her that God is in control and He knows what the best is for everyone. And in this time of need, we need our friend, our families, and our love ones to be there for us and pray for us, believing God’s will…

CBC
HGB – 99
PLT – 40
WBC – 0.2
Neut – 0.0

Visitors
Ate Nenette

Platelets Transfusion { Day +8 }

2005-10-07T22:32:00.000-04:00

The Morphine dripped was stopped. It is not for my tummy ache. They could give me something else…not as harsh as morphine. My platelets are very low, 7. I got a bag of platelet from one donor, of course, with my pre-med Benadryl, which make me drowsy and make me fall asleep…

CBC
HGB – 99
PLT – 7
WBC – 0.2
Neut – 0.0

Visitors
Jerson

Blood Transfusion { Day +7 }

2005-10-06T23:29:00.000-04:00

My HGB is now at 80, I usually get blood transfusion if my count is at this low. Two bags of Type O positive with my usual pre-medication, Benadryl.

CBC
HGB - 80
WBC - 0.1
Neut - 0.0
PLT - 13

Tomorrow, I might need another bag of platelets...they usually give me when my platelets are below 10.

Visitors
Jerson

Callers
Kuya Manolo
Ate Nancy
Dete Amor
Ate Nenette

{ Day +6 }

2005-10-05T23:28:00.000-04:00

On days +1, +3, +6 and +11, I will get an amount of chemotherapy drugs to minimize the side effects of graft versus host disease.

CBC
HGB - 82
WBC - 0.1
Neut - 0.0
PLT - 28

Visitors
Ina
Jerson

Callers
Dete Amor
Ate Nancy
Kuya Manolo
Ate Nenette
Karly

{ Day +5 }

2005-10-04T05:23:00.000-04:00

I started Morphine drip today because of the almost unbearable pain in my stomach. This pain is normal because of the chemotherapy drugs. The dosage is very minimal and not addictive...that I can stop it if I don't need it anymore.

CBC
HGB - 89
WBC - 0.2
Neut - 0.0
PLT - 43
Mg - 0.79

Visitors
Ina
Jerson
Adi
Rob
Nida
Susan (her older sister has AML and had the Bone Marrow transplant last June)

Cramps { Day +4 }

2005-10-03T23:14:00.000-04:00

I felt nauseated, no appetite, and cramps, altogether...what to do? I only had 6 crackers in total for the whole day. Aside from the food they are supplying me from my intravenous line. When I eat I threw it up. If I don't eat, I have cramps. Theys said it's normal, the chemotherapy drugs are doing this to me. They gave me anti-nausea and pain killers. That's good enough, they'll make me feel asleep and that's what I just need...rest...

I did not get my counts today, I'll add it up later...

Visitors
Ina
Jerson

Callers
Ate Nenette
Ate Irma
Ate Nancy
Dete Amor
Adi

Droopy { Day +3 }

2005-10-02T23:00:00.000-04:00

It started yesterday, now I had to ask for a sleeping pills, in the beginning it didn't work...it was already daytime when I felt very sleepy. My nose was bleeding too, I needed platelet transfusion for my platelets is low and to stop the bleeding. With the pre-meds of transfusion, I think I was sleeping the whole day.

CBC
HGB - 95
WBC - .9
Neut - .6
PLT - 14,000

Visitors
Jerson

Callers
Ate Nancy
Ate Irma
Dete Amor
Kuya Manolo

{ Day +2 }

2005-10-01T22:35:00.000-04:00

No signs of any complications yet, as I mentioned before, some of the complications are desired to make sure the bone marrow is working. Aside from tummy ache and headache, my sleeping habbit is not as good as before. This morning I don't have appetite too. I felt nauseated but they were all controlled of medicines. Imagine how many drugs I've been taking ;)

CBC
HGB - 100
WBC - 2,800
PLT - 28,000

Visitors
Ate Irma
Tatay
Jerson
Ina
Ama
Pastor Edwin Martin
Ate Esther Rosal
Kuya Ross Cuizon

Callers
Ate Nancy
Kuya Manolo

Post Transplant { Day +1 }

2005-10-01T22:22:00.000-04:00

Day +1, or first day of post-transplant...it was a quiet day for me. Just a little tummy ache, and headache. I started my food through my intravenous line...but I am still eating solid food well.

CBC
HBC - 100
WBC - 3,700
Neut - 3,500
PLT - 54,000
Mg - 0.96

The doctor said that my Complete Blood Count will be up for a bit after the transplant but then will start to go down in couple of days...

Visitors
Jerson

Callers
Kuya Manolo
Dete Amor
Ate Nenette
Ate Nancy
Karly
Ate Josie Camato

Radiation and Transplantation { Day 0 }

2005-09-29T23:37:00.000-04:00

FACTS: Day 0 is the day that the bone marrow is infused in to the patient. Also referred to as the transplant day.

My day started with lots and lots of medicined for the preparation of Radiation and BMTransplantation.

After 9:30 a.m. I found out I cannot have food nor water until 3 p.m. At 10:00 a.m., they brought me to the Radiation Clinic Floor 2B. Radiologists and Physicist told me my position and everything they will have to put on the side and on top of my body to balance the radiation treatment. I will be under the radiation 13 minutes on my back and another 13 minutes on my stomach. The bed has no cushion to make sure I am lying flat on it...it wasn't very comfortable. But it's over now, and it was not that bad, well I will get some side effects sooner or later but haven't feel anything yet. Thank GOD! I came back to my room around 11 a.m.

Between 11 a.m to 2 p.m, I guess I am being anxious of what will happen and what will I feel when they infused the bone marrow they tooked from my sister Amor. Again, they've given me a lot of medications for nausea, anxiety, and more. Before 3 p.m., Pastor Edwin Martin came and prayed for us. He was there until the infusion was finished. Dr. Loach and nurse, Katie were there to do the infusion...it was easy to look at procedure, first infusion I tasted the preservative they put in the bone marrow, but then later on the impact to my body, especially to my chest down to my stomach and to my feet are almost not bearable. They were monitoring my blood pressure and oxygen. It was a very different feeling. It was done 3 times, 2 big syringes at a time with 5 minutes break. I almost quit, I tried to cough because I can't breathe. I asked Jerson to hold my hand and the nurse kept massaging my feet, coz I almost can't feel them. After almost 40 minutes, the process was done, it was over, I just have to wait for what will happen next...I was so tired that I just tried to lie down and tried to sleep...

REFLECTIONS: The transplant is over! I just have to wait till the bone marrow of my loving sister works on me. Please continue to pray for me for the following three weeks will be tough... And everything now is all depends on God. He knows what is best for me and my family. He holds my future on His hands...

CBC
HGB - 99
WBC - 2,300
PLT - 67,000
Mg - 0.72

Visitor
Jerson
Pastor Edwin Martin

Callers
Ate Nenette
Ate Nancy
Kuya Manolo
Dete Amor
Karly

Pass { Day -1 }

2005-09-28T11:57:00.000-04:00

I got the daypass I was talking about yesterday. I went home in the afternoon and came back here at the hospital at night. Kuya Manolo picked me up with Ate Irma, he made to work late, I hope he's not going to be in trouble because of me...

It was a great day for me, I was able to see, kiss and hug my dear son. I am sure he was happy to see me, too. My two other sister, Ate Nancy and Dete Amor with Tatay came by the house and had dinner with us. After dinner we talked and laughed...then it was Jensine's bedtime. I put him to sleep beside me, he knows I am living when he falls asleep. I can tell how much he missed me, he smells me a lot and tells me I smell good. Although I am sure I smell like the medicines and hospital already.

My blood counts are starting to drop...Complete Blood Count is done every morning...

FACTS: The Complete Blood Count (CBC) test is an automated count of the cells in the blood. It provides information about the white blood cell (WBC), red blood cell (RBC), and platelet populations present.

HGB or Hemoglobin carries oxygen to cells from the lungs.
WBC or White blood cells protect the body against infection and aid in the immune response.
Neutrophils can increase in response to bacterial infection or inflammatory disease.
PLT or Platelets are tiny fragments of cells that circulate in the blood. Because they are very sticky, they are the first components to be activated when there has been an injury to a blood vessel and begin the formation of a “blood clot.” (Labtestonline)

Normal Range
HGB - 120 g/L to 160 g/L for women
WBC - 4,000–10,000 per millimeter (mm)3
Neut - 47%–77% of WBC
PLT - 140,000–450,000 per mm3

On next posting I will always add my CBC and visitors...

CBC
HGB - 97
WBC - 1,900
Neut - 1,600
PLT - 85,000

Visitor
Nida (cousin of Ninang Fe Fernando)
Jerson
Ate Irma

Callers
Ate Nancy
Kuya Manolo
Dete Amor
Ate Nenette
Ate Esther Rosal

Vital Signs { Day -2 }

2005-09-27T11:36:00.000-04:00

Since I came here, my vital signs are regularly check, morning, afternoon, nights and even in the middle of the night around 3 a.m. Vital signs are physical signs that indicate an individual is alive, such as heart beat, pulse rate, temperature, blood pressure and oxygen.

FACTS: Blood pressure is the force of the blood pushing against the walls of the arteries. Each time the heart beats (about 60-70 times a minute at rest), it pumps out blood into the arteries. Your blood pressure is at its highest when the heart beats, pumping the blood. This is called systolic pressure. When the heart is at rest, between beats, your blood pressure falls. This is the diastolic pressure. (LifeClinic)

Average Blood Pressure Rates (Franklin Institute Online)

systolic 110 to 150
over
diastolic 60 to 80

FACTS: Pulse Rate is the rate of the arterial pulse usually observed at the wrist and stated in beats per minute

Average Pulse Rates

Adult Males about 72
Adult Females 76 to 80
Newborns up to 140
Children about 90
Elderly 50 to 65

FACTS: A Pulse Oxymeter consists of a computerized monitor probe that can be attached to the patient’s finger, toe, nose or ear lobe, the monitoring unit displays a digital percentage readout of a calculated estimate of the patient’s hemoglobin (Hgb) that is saturated with oxygen (Sp02) (Manitoba Health)

Range Value
Normal 95 to 100%
Mild hypoxia 91 to 94%
Moderate hypoxia 86 to 90%
Severe hypoxia below 85% (EMSresource.net)

So far my vital signs are within normal or average...but I did suffer from other side effects of chemotherapy drugs like nausea, headache, and fatigue.

I was told that doctors might give me a daypass tomorrow from noon to night time to get out of the hospital depending on my blood counts. This is my last chance to see Jensine before isolation. So if you are planning to visit me tomorrow, please call my house first and check if I was given the daypass...thanks.

EDIT:
CBC
HGB - 99
WBC - 2,800
Neut - 1,900
PLT - 122,000

Visitor
Ate Irma
Jerson
Dete Amor
Ate Nancy

{ Day -3 }

2005-09-26T23:58:00.000-04:00

Not feeling very good today...I think the chemotherapy drugs and other medications are taking effects...I even lost count of the number of medicines they're giving me...till next posting.

Edit:
CBC
HGB - 109
WBC - 2,900
Neut - 1,900
PLT - 131,000

Visitor
Jerson

Admission { Day -4 }

2005-09-25T21:25:00.000-04:00

All those thinking and little preparation here and there are not enough...this morning, I felt that I have not done anything for this day...my whole morning was spent still preparing of what I should bring to my mini "vacation". Of course, that includes hugging Jensine in between...

Finally, at about 2:45 p.m. we were able to leave, me, Ate Irma and Jerson...oh...it's so hard for me to step out of the house. I know it will be a while before I can hug and kiss Jensine again. He is not allowed, 12 years old and below are not allowed even in the floor.

We got there past 3 p.m., tried to set things up...Jerson went to Canada Computers to buy another webcam for me to use here in the hospital. He set it up already for me to see Jensine when he gets home. This is the only way we can see each other for a while. He still have to show Ate Irma and Ina how to use it.

I guess this is it...I am now settled in my new place at Princess Margaret Hospital, 14th Floor B, Room 206. I am sure I am allowed to have visitors as long as they are not sick even with colds...you don't want to share what you have when my immune system is zero :) Visiting hours is flexible as they always say but there are restrictions like no fresh flowers, no kids 12 years old and below and especially no sick person. You can always email or text me anytime.

Goodnight!!! I am getting tired...till my next posting...

Btw, here's my vitals for today...

Blood Pressure - 106/76
Pulse Rate - 83
Oxygen - 99%
Temperature - 36.9 C

Reunion { Day -5 }

2005-09-24T11:59:00.000-04:00

The topic for the Devine Worship this morning was about "Marriage and Family". And I am happy to have my family worship with me at Mt. Zion Church. Yes, from Tatay Oscar, Ate Irma, Dete Amor and Ate Nancy and their kids were with me this Sabbath day. Of course, my parents-in-law, Ina and Ama, my sister-in-law, Ate Nenette and her family, who are always with us. It was like a reunion for me. Although, I still have one more sister I missed, Jenny or Deng as we call her, who's still in the Philippines and cannot be with me right now. She just had a baby last February, Nat-Nat. Did I mention that Jerson has 4 sisters and 3 more brothers? They're all over the world, Philippines, Canada and Indonesia.

The Mt. Zion church family offered a special prayer for me in the afternoon after the church potluck.

There's another get-together later at night, with family friends here in Canada. They were the ones we first met here, the Buning family. From my Ninang Cora and Ninong Amading de Jesus, Ate Weng and Kuya Jun and their kids and Ate Emy and Kuya Bong. Ate Emie and Kuya Bong are my kumpadre and kumadre but I am used to call them Ate and Kuya. And guess what, Ate Emie cooked lasagna for me...I can delete my baked macaroni from my wishlist for her homemade lasagna is far better than the baked macaroni I have in mind. Ate Nenette and Kuya Rene were there too, with Rose and my 2 nephews, Uriel and Rainon. Ate Nancy and her 3 kids, Justin, Keith and Ivan. We had this get-together at Kuya Manolo and Dete Amor's house. Their kids are there from Rachel, Sarah and Gene. Just imagine how happy Jensine was to have all his cousins. Kuya Manalo called this get-together as my "despedida" for I am going for a vacation starting tomorrow...yap, tomorrow I will check in at Pricess Margaret Hospital...and they are planning to have a welcome party when I come back.

REFLECTIONS: There's another reunion I want to be part of...the Second Coming of Jesus Christ...

"For the Lord himself will come down from heaven, with a loud command, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet call of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first. After that, we who are still alive and are left will be caught up with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air."

I Thessalonians 4:16-17, NIV.

Rejection { Day -6 }

2005-09-23T18:36:00.000-04:00

Additional complications will arise, once the bone marrow has been transplanted, such as

graft rejection

FACTS: Graft rejection happens when the recipient's cells reject the transplanted donor cells. (PMH)

graft failure

FACTS: Graft failure happens when transplanted bone marrow does not produce new cells. (PMH)

Graft Versus Host Disease

FACTS: Graft Versus Host Disease or GVHD is a condition in which the transplanted donor cells see organs of the recipient as foreign and attacks them. (PMH)

Signs of GVHD are:

skin rash
fever
diarrhea
abdominal cramps
jaundice
dry burning eyes
dryness and soreness in the mouth

Sometimes, some of these complications are desired when occured in minimum. With the occurrence of GVHD, it is a sign that the donor's marrow has engrafted.

REFLECTIONS: Some of these complications are very serious and may occur within weeks, or months and even years after the transplant. There is nothing more I can ask everyone but to PRAY. I may not know what is the exact plan that God has for me but I do know that it is good. Please pray that everything will happen in the next few days, months or years, are HIS will and not mine...

"This is the assurance we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us. And if we know that He hear us—whatever we ask—we know that we have what we asked of Him."

I John 5:14-15, NIV.

Complications { Day -7 }

2005-09-22T23:26:00.000-04:00

Potential complications were explained before I even decided to do the transplant. Today, I just want to share with you the complications from the conditioning regimen or before the actual transplant. Some complications are a result of the toxicity of the conditioning regimen, chemotherapy and radiation. These complications may or may not occur to all patients.

nausea
vomiting
loss of appetite
dairrhea
fatigue
hair loss
risk of infections
bleeding
infertility
Veno-occlusive disease (VOD)

FACTS: Veno-occlusive disease (VOD) is a disorder of the liver in which blood vessels become blocked and swollen (PMH)

Interstitial pneumonia

FACTS: Interstitial pneumonia is a form of pneumonia, found within the lung tissues. (PMH)

mucositis

FACTS: Mucositis is inflamation of the mucous membranes. Mouth sores often characterize this condition (PMH)

Post Radiation Caries

FACTS: Radiation can kill salivary glands, because of diminished salivary flow, the acid content of the mouth is increased. This along with a resuced fibre content in meals, and stagnation of food debris results in destruction by acid demineralization of dental hard tissue (enamel of teeth).

There are medications to help relieve discomfort of these side effects. Post Radiation Caries can be prevented by excellent oral hygiene and Flouride gel application. I just started my Flouride gel application.

As of now, I only felt tiredness or fatigue. I've been lying on bed mostly the whole day. I still been eating good and no vomiting, which are usual side effects I felt on my past chemotherapy treatment.

There will be additional side effects when bone marrow is transplanted. I will talk about that later...

Regimen { Day -8 }

2005-09-21T23:20:00.000-04:00

This morning I went back to PMH to change the dressing on my hickman line, to take two small tubes of blood and to receive the 5-day chemotherapy by ambulatory pump. This chemotherapy is part of the conditioning regimen.

FACTS: Conditioning Regimen is a combination of chemotherapy drugs, with or without radiation, given to prepare the patient for the bone marrow transplan. It is also called Preparative Regimen.

My brother-in-law, Manolo, drove me to the hospital with my sister Irma and my father. Don't be alarmed that they are with me, nothing serious, it just so happen that they can be with me this morning. It's also nice to be with them, I almost forgot that I am going for treatment.

Later at night, we attended the Mid-Week Prayer Meeting. Chris and I came to an agreement to see each other at the the prayer meeting. She wanted to bake me the chocolate cake I had put in my wishlist and I will wait for that when I come out of the hospital :) I told her not to do it now, since I started my chemo and might not have the appetite. Only Jerson will finish it :) After the presentation about Transformed with Troubles, from Purpose Driven Life, we prayed by twos. Chris prayed for me. Didn't I tell you that I am very emotional? While she was praying, I felt the sincerity of her prayers for me and my family, and I end up weeping. I didn't realize till after we pray that few tears dropped from her eyes, too.

REFLECTIONS: On previous posting about "Touched By an Angel", I forgot to mention everyone who continuously prays for me and my family. Also those friends who offered their help "anytime we need it". The tears dropped from me when Chris was praying was not sign of pain or weakness. They were tears of happiness knowing I have true friends like Chris, with her husband Edsel and their cute little girl, Caitlin Emma...we have friends we can depend upon and always hoping for the best and praying non-stop for us. They are also true angels in my eyes...

Friendship improves happiness, and abates misery, by doubling our joy, and dividing our grief. --Joseph Addison

Operation { Day -9 }

2005-09-20T23:35:00.000-04:00

This morning was my hickman line or CVC insertion surgery at Toronto General Hospital. How can I scream on blog? he he he...even with local anaesthesia (freezing) I still felt some pushing and pulling on my chest when it was inserted. But I guess this one time pain is better than to be poked everyday for months for blood tests, blood transfustions and medications. Hopefully I won't get any infection for I need this for a while.

FACTS: Central Venous Catheter or hickman line is essential for transplant patients. (PMH)

This might also be the start of short posting for me, specially now, the freezing ran off already, and the pain is getting worse. Awww!

Anticipation { Day -10 }

2005-09-19T22:02:00.000-04:00

I start my countdown today, 10 days prior to my bone marrow transplant. The transplant I will go through is called Allogeneic Stem Cell Transplant.

FACTS: Allogeneic Stem Cell Transplant is a transplant in which hemotopoietic (blood) stem cells are obtained from a suitably matched related or unrelated donor. (PMH)

In my case, my donor is very much related and she is a genetic match, 100%. The procedure itself is called Peripheral Blood Stem Cell Transplant.

FACTS: Peripheral Blood Stem Cell Transplant is a procedure in which stem cells are infused into a patient intravenously, after the patient has been treated with high-dose chemotherapy, with or without radiation.

The procedure is like a blood transfusion, opening of any part of my body nor sewing it, is not necessary. The only surgery I will have is from the hickman line and if I am not mistaken only 2 stitches will be needed.

Today, is the arrival of my oldest sister, Irma from the Philippines. Flight CX828 arrived at 9:45 p.m. in Toronto Pearson Airport. I will see her very soon, Jerson was on his way to airport when things start to get worse. The van he was driving to pick up my sister has break problem. But I am sure, everything will work fine and in no time, I will see my sister.

I Surrender All

2005-09-18T09:23:00.000-04:00

Yesterday was Youth-Led Devine Worship at Mt. Zion Church. I am not sure who picked the songs for the church program, but they definitely amazed me with the songs they chose for praise time, openning song and closing song. It could also be the youth's voices, they sounded like angels. How I wish I could sing like that? Let's forget about me singing, let's just focus on the songs and their meanings. Before the Intercessory Prayer, the congregation sang prayerfully. It was very hard for my tears not to shed.

"A teardrop on earth summons the King of heaven." --Charles R. Swindoll

For my friends and relatives who know me very well, they would say, I am very emotional and I can also flood a room in no time. Yes, unfortunately, that is very true. Even songs can make me cry, I don't even pick the place nor time to cry. But don't stop singing for me because you think I would cry. I still love to hear those favorite songs of mine even if they would make me cry because the songs give me strength, hope and peace. Because they remind me of our Great and Loving God, and that someday he will wipe all my tears away...that's why to Him, I Surrender All.

For the Lamb at the center of the throne will be their shepherd; he will lead them to springs of living water. And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes.
Revelation 7:17, NIV

Sapin-sapin

2005-09-16T19:00:00.000-04:00

This week, I had visitors coming to see me before I go back to the hospital.

Tuesday night, I had Karly and her family, with the new baby boy. We had fun, I wish we have all night to chat and to see the kids playing. Thanks for bringing Sean and Gillian. It will be a while before I will be able to see them again. Thanks Tia Dulce and Luis, for taking the time, I know both of you have work the next day.

This afternoon, we had our marriage godparents, Ninang Cora and Ninong Amading to drop in to our house and see me. I think you know where I am going with this :)

FACT: Sapin-sapin is a rice sweet of blanc-mange consistency, made of several layers, usually of different colors (Filipino Food/Cuisine Glossary) Yes, it is a native Filipino delicacy.

And yes, they brought sapin-sapin and cassava cake. They told me they've been reading my blog and they were hoping that I have not eaten the "native kakanin" I have on my wishlist. And yes, I have not eaten it until now, and they are yummy. Thank you very much...for visiting me and for the sapin-sapin and cassava cake.

Is This Your Final Answer?

2005-09-16T09:24:00.000-04:00

From early morning, I've been walking in and out of PMH. Thursday is my last pre-Bone Marrow Transplant tests. There are numbers of physicians and staff I met, from dentist, radiologist, pulmonary technologist, nurses, the transplant team and even psychiatrist.

First, CT scan of Chest.

FACTS: CT SCAN of Chest. Computed tomography (also known as CT or CAT scanning) of the chest uses special equipment to obtain multiple cross-sectional images of the organs and tissues of the chest. (PMH)

Second, dental appointment. I will be receiving one radiation treatment before the transplant.

FACTS: Radiation treatment is used to remove cancer cells from the body. It has oral and dental side effects due to the impact of radiation on the saliva glands, teeth and tooth supporting bone (PMH)

It is the role of the dentist to prevent any other dental problems, of course, that means doing my part too...

Third, met with the psychiatrist for an hour. I guess they want to make sure I can handle the stress of the transplant, especially the effects of post-transplant.

Fourth, a pulmonary function test at Mount Sinai Hospital to assess the functional status of my lungs.

Blood was drawn again to check my blood counts. All these test will be repeated again after the transplant.

Last but not the least, to see the transplant team for our last talk and to sign all the documents needed to be signed before they do the transplant. To answer "YES" to the procedure with no second thoughts. Is this your final answer? This is more than a million dollar question to me now. YES, it is my final answer...and so help me God.

Touched by an Angel

2005-09-15T12:23:00.000-04:00

In I Corinthians 13:11, you will find these words, "When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child..." Yes, when I was child, I wanted to be the best of the best. But that was a childish way for me now. Why? Because I think I just wanted it to be for a wrong reason like to be praised, to be honoured, to be recognized...

I have a good friend who once told me "Thanks for looking up to me. Whatever good you've seen in me, that's Christ and not me." If she's reading this, you know who you are and thank you for reminding me that it's all because of Him...
When I was in the hospital, another friend who never missed to give me a call. In spite of her big belly because her second baby is on the way, she will always be there not just for me but for my family. She would not mind driving me to my appointment even if she was a week away from her due date.
Not just one person but the whole family who were also there for me. They took care of me, day and night even if they have to sleep in an uncomfortable chair. They sang for me to lift my spirits high. They strengthen me with their prayers.
I have friends who were also there to make me laugh even with their silly jokes, they will try so hard just to see me with a smile. So many things they did for me like bring me flowers, foods, books and gifts; send an email or a card; sacrifice their lunchtime to visit me; starts and contributes in the fund raising for me; calls from far and wide, they are there to show they care.

Everyday we are touched by friends, love ones, and even people we hardly know, to show us love. In what they have done and showed me, I see them as angels sent by God. Did you ever think that angels are real? Angels in the form of ordinary people to bring us God's message. Have you been touched by an angel lately?

"...When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me." On the Mid-Week Prayer Meeting we attended, this is what I realized...I don't have to be the best, I don't want to be praised, I don't want to be honoured, I don't want to be recognized, I simply want to be a follower of God and be a witness. Did you know that I used to have a desire of preaching to many people? Last night's speaker reminds me of my dream. But I don't have the guts, I don't even have the talent or skill. But I want to be used by God in a way I can and in a way He wanted me to.

Hello God

2005-09-14T22:20:00.000-04:00

I got this email this afternoon...this is not the first time I received this email but this time it brought a new meaning to me and I want to share it to you, again...

Hello God,

I called tonight

To talk a little while

I need a friend who'll listen

To my anxiety and trial.

You see, I can't quite make it

Through a day just on my own...

I need your love to guide me,

So I'll never feel alone.

I want to ask you please to keep

My family safe and sound.

Come and fill their lives with confidence

For whatever fate they're bound.

Give me faith, dear God, to face

Each hour throughout the day,

And not to worry over things

I can't change in any way.

I thank you God for being home

And listening to my call,

For giving me such good advice

When I stumble and fall.

Your number, God, is the only one

That answers every time.

I never get a busy signal,

Never had to pay a dime.

So thank you, God, for listening

To my troubles and my sorrow.

Good night, God, I love You too,

And I'll call again tomorrow!

2 Seconds

2005-09-13T09:05:00.000-04:00

Not 2 seconds but Second days times two...

Jensine's second day of school

Going out from our house was not easy at all. I kept hearing from Jensine that he does not want to go back to school all weekends and Monday morning. Monday was his second day of school. Few people told me that he might cry for a week or two. So I was prepared that he would shed tears when we leave him. But thank goodness, he did not...he was even glad to fall in line. Even his teacher was surprised to see him with a smile. Is this a good sign that he wants to go to school everyday?

Amor's second day of G-CSF medication

Remember my sister Amor, she's my donor. She will have to take Granuolocyte Colony Stimulating Factor (G-CSF) by injection for four consecutive days before they can harvest or do the Peripheral Blood Stem Cell Collection.

FACTS: G-CSF causes the stem cells to leave the bone marrow and circulate in the bloodstream. The donor may experience muscle aches, bone pain, headaches and fatigue while on this medication, but these symptoms will subside once the medication is stopped.

REFLECTIONS: Believe, this is the keyword for today. I believe that one day Jensine will learn to like school and I also believe that my sister will be able to produce enough stem cells for me, in God's time. I know that everything happens for a reason and that there is always a good and bad aspects of it. Personally, I always think of the worst first to prepare myself, then I do my best to see the good part. Sometimes, it is not easy to see the good side especially when we are blinded by our emotions. Believe that everything will work for our good. We may not see it now, maybe someday, but believe that one day you will see.

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose."
Romans 8:28, NIV

My Wishlist

2005-09-12T23:04:00.000-04:00

Friday was Jensine's official first day of shcool. Not to embarrass my son but he did cry on his first day. Hearing your son crying would almost want you to cry too...but I didn't. But it was so hard for me to leave the school yard.

To prepare him for first day of Junior Kindergarten, we planned to send him to a daycare and other preparatory school. But when I got sicked, lots of things changed, not just emotionally, physically, spiritually but even financially. This include changes with our plans for Jensine... although, here in Canada, you can find Early Years Program for free. But it was still a concern for us since my immune system is low due to treatments. You know how they said that kids are prone to virus and germs. We can't allow him to meet with many kids that could potentially pass even cold virus to him and later to me. He also stopped his swimming lesson.

This is one of my wishes before going back and staying for a while in the hospital, to see Jensine goes to school. I had this in mind even before I decided to have the transplant. I walked him to school Friday morning with Jerson and Ina. Ina will be the official person to pick him up and drop him off to school. It's so nice to meet Jensine's teacher and her assistant. They are very nice to Jensine and it gave me peace of mind.

If you read on the right side of this site, you will also find my Wishlist. One of them is the Muhlach's Mega Melt Ensaymada. It is a Filipino pastry covered with butter and lots of shredded cheese. This is one of things I wanted to eat before I start my chemotherapy or before I start my special diet. There are lists of foods that I cannot eat when I am on Low Microbial Diet or LMD.

FACTS: Low Microbial Diet is a diet that does not allow you to eat foods that may contain large amounts of harmful organisms. These specific foods, which have been excluded to my diet, to reduce the risk of infection. This diet is used along with the "Guide to Safe Eating" by PMH. This diet stops when my blood counts, specifically, the nutrophils (a portion of the white blood cell population that fights bacterial infections) went up.

If you noticed, I crossed out the Muhlach Ensaymada on my list. Thanks to my dear friend, "Mareng Ica". I told her how much I wanted to eat ensaymada and if she knew how it can be delivered from the Philippines (if it's allowed to be shipped here). She found out that her co-worker has a store in North York and they are selling Muhlach Ensaymada. As soon as she finds out, she gave me a call to ask which flavor I want. With special delivery from Mississauga by a very good friend of mine, I had a box of scrumptious, mouthwatering ensaymada to indulge. "Thanks again from the bottom of my heart not only for the ensaymada but the friendship that we have. "

Another thing I crossed out from my wishlist under gadgets to own was the webcam. My kind and loving husband bought me a webcam. This time I need it instead of I want it. I need it because this is the tool we are going to use to talk and see Jensine when I am in the hospital. At least three weeks that I will be in isolation and Jensine will not be able to visit me those time. And I also have relatives and friends from far who wanted to see me. Anyways, he bought a cheap webcam, as long as it works, I don't mind :)

Friday, three wishes came true...

REFLECTIONS: Saturday morning I learned a lot from Mt. Zion Church speaker, Mr. Ulyses Guarin about "Stewardship: Boon or Bane?" and "Principles of Personal/Family Finance". I mainly want to mention how he gave us ideas to tell apart "wants" from "needs" and the following questions he presented to us will determine if we really need something...

Do you need it? Yes or No (If yes, go to second question)
Can you afford it? Yes or No (If yes, go to last question)
Will it give glory to God or self?

This will always be a good reminder for me and this also means to go back to my wishlist, especially on material things I posted...there are things I just want to have and it will be deleted...

Long List and Short Talk

2005-09-09T09:15:00.000-04:00

I went to my clinic appointment at PMH yesterday afternoon. The first thing I did was to go to the 2nd floor and the receptionist told me to go to 1st floor for blood collection. Hmmm, I did not know about this. I really thought this appointment would only be a short talk with the transplant doctor about the tests they did to my sister and what they found and concluded. You probably know how much I hate needles. Hate, that is very harsh word to use. Let's just say I don't like... at least I used a positive verb.

Anyway, let's go back to the Blood Clinic and guess what? My disappointment turned to happiness when I saw Debbie. Debbie had took blood from me before using needle (not from hickman line). To tell you honestly, she was really good. I almost :) did not feel when she poked me. She also remembered I was very frightened. I used to go to Transfusion Unit on 2nd floor to draw blood since I have my hickman line.

FACTS: Hickman line is one type of 'long line' or 'central line'. A central venous catheter (CVC) is an intravenous line that is inserted into one of the major veins in the chest, with the tip lying in the superior vena cava (the main vein which drains directly into the right side of the heart). The end of a Hickman line hangs out of the chest with two lumens (tubes) and is usually sealed off with a cap.

After I had an infection end of July, my Hickman line was taken out. They used to draw blood from it so no poking needed. But now, I have no choice, they will have to poke me to draw some blood. Every appointment, two tubes of blood was taken from me. I was stunned when Debbie printed out the labels for the tubes that day. Not two, not three but more than ten tubes of blood were taken from me.

Then I waited for my transplant doctor and he had a short talk with me and Jerson. He just want to make sure that I am aware of added risks because of my sister's condition. He also said that this risk is small compared to the risk if bone marrow transplant will not be done.

REFLECTIONS: It's so hard not to worry in my case, knowing that there are potential complications that may occur after the transplant. But this is not what I am worried about, I am worried about Jerson and my only son, Jensine. I've learned to trust and fully give my life to Him. I should also learn and accept that He will always be with my love ones, especially, Jerson and Jensine, no matter what...

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 4:6-7 (NIV)

Oh yeah! about my foot pain, the doctor said not to worry about it...although I will feel pain for a while.

Foot Pain

2005-09-08T09:23:00.000-04:00

For couple of days, I've been feeling pain on my heel. I know what causes the pain, I think. I was wearing a new and big flip flops for a while because I left my own flip flops in my sister Nancy's place when I stayed there. That's why I love my own flip flops even they're old and getting thin. My feet are perfectly molded into them.

But the pain is unusual for me. I feel the pain when I am sitting, standing or walking but not when I am lying in bed. There are times I am not sure if what I am feeling is just normal or cause by my sickness.

Yesterday, I was planning to ask my nurse at PMH but I thought maybe I should wait another day and see what happens. Before the end of the day, I got a call from my transplant nurse. She told me that all the test for my sister Amor were done and they wanted to see me for a talk. Isn't a good timing too, I will have to see my doctor and I can ask him about my foot.

REFLECTIONS: Sometimes God answers our prayers before we ask Him. Skeptics would say this was merely a coincidense. But for me, I believe that God has His own way to show that He will always there for me, especially when I most needed Him. Isn't He a loving and true God?

"I will answer them before they even call to Me. While they are still talking to Me about their needs, I will go ahead and answer their prayers!"

Isaiah 65:24 (TLB)

Preparation

2005-09-06T09:22:00.000-04:00

It's been busy and exhausting long weekend for us... For the past 2 days, we've been doing a lot of preparation... a lot of work on "Labour Day"...

Preparation for Jensine's first day of school - Yaay! I have a school boy! Yes, he will start Junior Kindergarten this school year. This is our first as much as his! Where to start? What to do? How can I make this transition easier for him, or easier for me?
Preparation for my sister's arrival - We cleaned the room where my oldest sister will be using while she's here. That room, where my father used to occupy, has not been used for a while. It became a stock room for stuff we don't use regularly.
Preparation for my near admission to hospital - This time I can prepare on what I need and what I want to have with me to the hospital.

REFLECTIONS: I am sure that most people are doing different kinds of preparation everyday to make their lives easier and more organized. We want to get things ready even for small things because we don't want a lot of surprises. Are we preparing for the soon coming of Jesus? Am I prepared to meet Him? Are you?

"Let not your heart be troubled. You are trusting God, now trust in Me. There are many homes up there where my Father lives, and I am going to prepare them for your coming. When everything is ready, then I will come and get you, so that you can always be with Me where I am. If this weren't so, I would tell you plainly. And you know where I am going and how to get there."
John 14:1-3 (TLB)

Fearing the Unknown

2005-09-02T09:03:00.000-04:00

Part of the pre-Bone Marrow Transplant test is the Lumbar Puncture. I never had this before. Doctors and nurses told me this is a lot better than the Bone Marrow Test. My doctor who did the procedure told me, "If you had Bone Marrow Test before, this is just a walk in the park for you. But it's normal to fear the unknown".

Jensine was only 1 year old when he had this procedure, nothing abnormal was found. (He's fine now.) We were told before that this was a dangerous procedure, but it has to be done. Mine was done yesterday.

FACTS: Lumbar Puncture is a prcedure in which a small amount of spinal fluid is removed from the spinal canal. Also called a spinal tap. Patients are usually required to lay for three to four hours after the procedure to prevent headaches. In spite of this precaution headaches, sometimes lasting days, may occur. (PMH)

Procedure dealing with the spine sounds really dangerous to me. But the doctor said the only danger is infecction from the insertion of needle from the skin to spine that's why they clean the area very well.

I still have to watch some strange reaction like headaches that won't go away for days, and signs of infection like fever, redness around the area and being confuse. And have them called right away. In case it happens at night, I have to go to the emergency.

Eighteen hours had passed, and the only thing I felt was a slight headache and pain on my back. So hopefully, that's it, no headache or infection...

REFLECTIONS: Before I was diagnosed I was very scared of needle and I still am. I don't know how many times I was poked and for others who can figure out, I shouldn't be scared anymore. I've said this before for a laugh, "I am scared of needle than to die". Haa! Ha! Ha! It's funny because I am ready to face what my future holds but needles scare me. When the needle is in place, then I am fine. I think it's just normal to be scared sometimes, to anticipate bodily pain for we're only humans. Is it normal or it's just me?

Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.

Isaiah 41:10

Transplant Schedule

2005-08-31T22:13:00.000-04:00

It's been a week that I knew my schedule for the Bone Marrow Transplant. But I tried not to reveal it to all my friends and family. I was waiting for the more important date and that was my donors full assessment day. The transplant won't happen if I don't have a donor. My other reason was that given the fact that it was arranged, there are still pre-BMT test that has to be done if the transplant will have other risks on my part. Here is the schedule given to me...

September 1 --- LUMBAR PUNCTURE;

September 15 --- PRE-TRANSPLANT ASSESSMENT DAY

September 20 --- CVC INSERTION at Toronto General Hospital

September 21 --- start of CHEMOTHERAPY

September 24 --- 24HOUR URINE COLLECTION at home

September 25 --- ADMISSION to Princess Margaret Hospital

September 29 --- TRANSPLANT DAY

REFLECTIONS: On Wednesdays, we, as a family, try to attend Mid-week Prayer Meetings as much as we can. The facilitator, Auntie Eden, asked me the schedule for my transplant. Right at that moment, I could not tell the date. Although, I have in mind the exact date given to me by my transplant coordinator. I just want the Lord to give me the perfect date. I want things to happen according to His plan, in His own time.

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven

Ecclesiastes 3:1

Good News and Not so Good News

2005-08-30T23:58:00.000-04:00

Isn't it nice to have more family with you in time like this?

My oldest sister, Irma who is base in Philippines got her Visa! Very early in the morning, my sister Nancy noticed a new text message on her cell phone and voila! she will be coming soon. This is a very wonderful news for me. Hopefully, I will see her in time before I will have to go back to hospital.

The day started with a very pleasant news but it did not last. Today is August 30th, remember, today is my sister's appointment at PMH. The stem cell collection was postponed.

FACT: Peripheral Blood Stem Cell Collection or PBSC is a procedure involving the separation and collection of a particular type of white blood cell from the peripheral blood. (LIN)

The original date for this procedure and the date she booked for her vacation was next week, September 4th - September 10th. This all has to be changed because the procedure might harm her in her present health condition. But it is quite early to say that my Bone Marrow Transplant is not going to happen. The final words of the doctor who saw her was to wait for his call. He wanted to have a meeting extensively with all my doctors including the whole transplant team and my sister's doctors.

REFLECTIONS: I still believe that all things work for our good... And I still believe in prayers... "Thy will be done"

Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us

Ephesians 3:20

For Ate Irma and Dete Amor, thank you very much for doing all these for my sake. I know you will endure pain emotionaly and physically. Pain from being separated from your family and pain for all the procedure that has to be done in order to help restore my health back...